Thursday, September 29, 2005

Departure Notes

Did Xzibit just answer a question about Tupperware? Really???

Yes. Yes, he did. Way to go, X.

You big tool.

Just the weirdest stuff on the Internet, huh?

***

Speaking of the Internet (kinda), check out that Shins concert I linked to a post or two down from here. Even though it's less than 45 minutes, it is fantastic stuff. I haven't had the chance to listen to the White Stripes show, but I'm sure it was plenty good, as well.

***

Today I have a business development lunch/meeting to attend in Tyson's. And it should be fine, especially as I've met the guy before... but there's a slight problem.

I don't want to have to wear a suit.

I really, really don't.

Why is that?

As I am 32 years old, I should really be over that fear by now, right?

***

Maybe it has something to do with the fact that my suits date from 1996 and earlier.

***

After that mini-trauma-but-not-really, the packing will begin. I have to get a lot of crap together for my weekend... mostly because I've been flooded with emails from my co-workers in Colorado, who have been saying things like "be sure to carry an aerosol can of aardvark repellant... just in case," or "you know, the weather here changes on a dime, be sure to pack a heavy parka and a bathing suit," or "here's a thought... as the high altitude will almost certainly leave you dehydrated, bring a water fountain with you, and sup from the tap throughout your flight."

I might need to bring 14 carry-ons, at the rate these suggestions are coming in. Hope I don't get big 'ol hernia #3 while I'm at it.

***

I'll be leaving first thing tomorrow morning, by the way, and coming back very late Sunday night... but Abby will be here the whole time.

Which means that Venus will be guarding the house.

Which means that... oh, never mind.

***

scotland yard gospel choir - good kind of crazy
disturbed (huh?) - land of confusion (genesis cover... HUH?)
echo and the bunnymen - stormy weather
liz phair - stars and planets
handsomeboy technique - season of young mouss

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Questions

Before I get to the nonsense, you've missed some great concerts. I was even at the Decemberists' show, which was a lot of fun.

Tonight, check out White Stripes / Shins / M. Ward. If you miss it, it will be archived within the next few days.

Yet another reason to support NPR.

***

If we have three more years left of Dubya in the White House, should we just stop complaining, shrug our shoulders and, in the immortal words of Bobby Knight, just "relax and enjoy it"?

Have you ever actually seen a repo man?

Do you realize that Howard Stern is 51?

Fans of FOX News... do you think they, you know, care to know what they're watching? Or have they just made up their minds, and that's that?

Is Rob coping OK? Is Debbie?

Will Heather Locklear ever be stopped?

How is it that According to Jim is one of the most popular programs on TV? And it's been, for several years, now?

Given everything that's happened, do you think you'll be willing to shake me this time around, if need be?

Did you catch Drudge's Cindy Sheehan headline the other day, saying that she was arrested in a "cunning stunt"?

Will I ever remember to give Jay his gift from Mike?

Does hand sanitizer really work, or are women just worrying too much?

Can you explain the appeal of Larry King to me?

These are going to end, right?

Action Jackson

An old clip, sure... but reason #5,947 why you need to be watching Arrested Development.

Waste Not, Want Not


Oh, hell.

This one, too.


This would be #5,949, then.

Monday, September 26, 2005

A Rare Great List

Most every band listed here deserves to be here, in some order or another. You can quibble (?) with Radiohead placing #24... but the more I think about it, the more accurate I think that actually is.

Oh... and not that they need any more love from me than they already get, but if I have to thank the Smiths for Radiohead, Pulp and the Decemberists? Then I shall thank them every hour, on the hour.

Oh, Jeff

I feel your pain, honest to God, but... which is worse?

This?

or

this?

It's So Damn Hot... Milk Was a Bad Choice

Another great day out with the guys was nearly ruined by games that were not for the squeamish. You can read about them elsewhere, though; I won't waste your time. Suffice it to say that none of the games resembled the 42-3 blowouts of weeks past.

Jay proved to be a startlingly good fit with Chris and Jeff; he'd barely said hello to Teso before popping him in the mouf with some unprintable insults. And THAT, my friends, is the quickest way to Jeff's heart.

That, and meatballs.

Gay meatballs.

Gay meatballs cooked up by Enzo.

***

Anyway, a great time was had by all. I made some new 300 lb.+ friends, Chris found some new men in his life to chat up and get phone numbers from, Jay killed a man with a trident, and Teso watched the Bledsoe commercial over and over and over again. Before the Bills had even lost... so you KNOW it was a great day for him.

By the way, Jay, you should find yourself a safehouse or a relative close by. Lay low for a while, because you're probably wanted for murder.

***

Work today... is going to be a grind. Maybe I can outsource it?

Sunday, September 25, 2005

Saturday, September 24, 2005

As the Day is Long



Cocaine is bad for you, kids.

***

So Chris and Jeff and I go out to Cap City the other night, right? And I show up early (or so I thought), and end up staring right at Chris for more than a minute before turning away from him... because I couldn't tell whether it was him or not, and as such, didn't want to stare at some random guy.

I can't tell you how often this happens.

It took Chris coming over and tapping me on the shoulder for me to realize that it was, in fact, him. After which I told him, "you know, the drive over here... my vision was kind of a mess then, too..."

Driving 395 with less than perfect vision? Not good.

I wonder if I have the wrong prescription lenses.

***

I'm not going to repeat or share Jeff's contribution to our evening with you. It was funny then, but it's just disturbing now, and you don't need me to ruin your day.

You can thank me later.

***

Speaking of, Teso, we need to push the poker thing forward.

***

Thanks to Chris and Noel for letting me crash that night. Good times.

***

This coming Friday, I head to Denver (Avon, if you must know) for the weekend for our firm retreat. I'm really looking forward to it-- though I'm a bit nervous as well. I don't know these people as well as I'd like, haven't met half of them, and I'm not entirely sure what to expect from the retreat itself (will it be easy going? rigorous? are we going to be yelled at for hours on end? not at all?).

Hoping for the best.

A trip to Denver, though-- that in itself will be a good thing. I only wish it weren't so tightly scheduled... what I wouldn't give to hit Vail for a day, or even for a few hours!

Oh, well-- another time.

***

Last night, I gave my cousin Darren a call to see what our plans were looking like for Saturday (today). But after talking for a while, we decided to change things up, scrap our Saturday plans, and get together immediately upon hanging up the phone. He invtited me over to his place for Chinese food and season 1 of Lost, which he'd just bought on DVD. These are good things.

(An aside-- Darren said we might go out afterwards-- so, as we were going to be out in Dupont, I threw on a new shirt... but I had absolutely no idea whether I looked great or laughable in it. Not to be self-centered or vain, but it was driving me nuts-- I couldn't figure it out for the life of me, and was fixated on it for half the night. Sorry. Just trying to be honest.)

Anyway, Darren's friend Kevin was there, too. I'd met him before, and he is hysterical-- we had a great time eating and watching (and busting balls all the way around, as it should be). All my friends who've been trying to sell me on Lost, by the way? You're big fat winners. It's a great show, and it sucked me in completely from the very beginning. More fodder for the Netflix queue.

One of the funny things about the night was Darren and Kevin trying to up their own queer quotient a little bit, in order to make me do the "hetero squirm." Lots of talk of... well, it started with "Mommie Dearest" quotes and went down (!) from there. I'll spare you the details, because... we're in mixed company. Suffice it to say, it was ribald, I tell you.

But none of that ever makes me uncomfortable. Gay, straight... it doesn't matter to me. And Darren should know this by now. So I think he was a bit unsatisfied by the fact that his talk of [censored] wasn't getting to me. Poor Darren.

So we had a great night, and then Kevin bailed. Darren says "we're going out." So after walking the dog around the block while he got ready, we headed out to the gay bars.

Me.

Newly single. Going to the gay bars.

Well, what's waiting one additional night, right?

Anyway, we had a fabulous (!) time-- we went to two places, the first of which (Halo, I think it was called?) was pretty cool. Darren insisted on buying me a pink cosmopolitan something-or-other, because he thought it would weird me out... but alcohol is alcohol. Again, Darren was dismayed.

But because I was fine talking about so much of it, he actually grew to be more relaxed. Not that he's ever been that tight-mouthed about his relationships around me, before, but knowing that I was fine talking about gay culture (or attempting to)... I think it made him really happy.

So I actually really enjoyed the vibe of the place. Everyone was very friendly (not *that* friendly, Jeff-- shame on you), just talking to whoever was next to them... all smiles, everyone loose, happy to be there... It made the bars I tend to go to, where you talk with the people you're with and maybe a few others if you're lucky, seem lame by comparison.

We went to a second place, but it was pretty quiet, so we came in at about 2:30 or so. He was still asleep by the time I left this morning.

I think I woke at 7 am or so, and was out by 8.

I've got to do something about this "can't sleep for more than 5 hours at a time" thing I've got going on.

***

Gotta go. Big day of football, followed up by tomorrow, which will also be a big day of football. I have to compensate, after all.

Thursday, September 22, 2005

Taking Stock

On the one hand, I haven't run for political office. Yet.

Someone in my law school class is doing just that. Right now. Makes me feel a bit... oh, I don't know... a bit like an underachiever?

Not really.

It's cool that Robert (who I really didn't know all that well) is running for Attorney General of Arkansas. I hope he does well... and have faith that he will.

Having your own editorial cartoon, though? Now that's really something to aspire to!



***

On the other hand, I still have heroes. It's good to have heroes.

And in that spirit (and in the ridiculous spirit of 1,000 college entrance essays), here is my fantasy dinner table.

My only guide was to pick 20th (or 21st) century English-speakers. Sorry to be elitist, but them's the breaks.

#6, by the way, was probably going to be Steve Young. Hall of Fame quarterback (fascinating), lawyer (what? really?), med-school-wannabe (borderline ridiculous), and wearer of sacred undergarments (Mormons are cool... I think).

But the guy is boredom defined, so he eats with the dogs.

At the big boys table, then (because I'm looking for a few good women):

Questioned and satirized everything. Made thousands of comedians tremble before him. Denis Leary owes this man royalties, his wife, his kids, his show...

Changed millions of lives. Scared the shit out of me until I learned more about him. Learned new things until the day he died. MLK's opposite... in a good way.

This old man has saved millions-- MILLIONS!-- of lives. And he's still saving more. And oh, yeah-- Nobel Prize-winners are cool.

Magician and bullshit artist extraordinaire. Always yammering on about something. Very tall man. Deals with a mime half the damned time. Aristocrat.


Guest of the Chris Farley Show. Does not discriminate against the peglegged. Moptop. An all-around cutie pie. Knows a song or two.

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

A Few Serious Items

But just a few.

Concentration camp survivor and Nazi hunter Simon Wiesenthal passed away yesterday at the age of 96. How about taking a minute or two and reading about him, even if you are already familiar with his life?

Click.


It'll only take you a minute. This man deserves your attention.

***

In news that is, for better or worse, somewhat related, how's about we check in with Ryan Church of the Washington Nationals, to see how he's doing?

Ryan, what's on your mind
?

***

Off that topic (thankfully)... I have finally gotten around to watching a few episodes of Penn and Teller's excellent show Bullshit! Though the subjects are a bit obvious (talking to the dead is bullshit? alien abductions don't really occur? really?!?), Penn (and Teller, I suppose) keep things moving with the right mix of humor and outrage.

I was a bit scared to see chiropractic medicine thrown into one of the episodes, right next to reflexology and magnets, but they were careful to differentiate between chiropractors who do what they do to assist people with actual back troubles, and those sickos who perform on people with no discomfort whatsoever, and proclaim that they can heal any ailment or disease, including cancer.

Did I mention that they admit to adjusting babies that are under a week old?

Horrifying.

Very happy that Penn gave a nice, long, serious warning to cover my eyes if I didn't want to see an adjustment performed on a young child. Heartbreaking enough to have to hear it.

***

On a lighter note.

"PC Load Letter"? What the fuck does that mean?

Buy this, mmmkay?

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Steve Holt!

If you aren't watching Arrested Development by now... if all of your friends' rants and raves have had no effect... if you somehow missed David Cross making out with the Fonz (in full Blue Man Group make-up) last night... perhaps there's just no hope for you.

And that makes me sad. Come on... this is why God invented Netflix (and ImOscar.com)!

The season premiere was so laugh-out-loud great... just the best show on TV.

This is not up for debate.

***

So God woke me up last night (that's two references to God in one post... have I gone born-again?), well after midnight, to let me know that all was right with the world.

That everything was going to be OK.

That evil deeds do not go unpunished.

The f'n Cowboys got their asses handed to them, in satisfyingly painful style.

I had fallen asleep (like everyone else on the East Coast) at some point during the Skins-Cowboys game... but somehow woke up to see the final few minutes of the Skins' big win.

Now, understand-- I never root for Washington... but I would sell my soul to see the Cowboys lose.

So congratulations, Joe Gibbs, on winning your own private Super Bowl. Now get back to sucking, would you?

Remember-- you coach a horrible, dreadful team. Enjoy this while you can.

***

Today is my once-a-month day to wear glasses. Not pleased with this at all.

***

Paul McCartney fell down a hole. There are about 324 Beatles lyrics to reference, here... so I'll let you make your own joke.

Monday, September 19, 2005

Equal Opportunity MLB Bashing







Sorry... the Phillies don't even rate a poster.

George Bush Doesn't Care About Black People

Just in case you forgot.

For some reason, lots of people have been sending me links today. I thought I'd share the wealth.

Ahoy.


Harry Potter.


iGod.


Sigur Ros-y Goodness.



Troyis.

City of Brotherly Love



And just like that, all is right with the world.

Who doesn't love a 42-3 win?

Sunday, September 18, 2005

Poor Dontrelle



What an absolutely surreal game yesterday. How do the Marlins get a stone-cold gem from D. Willis for 8+ innings, only to give up 10 runs in the ninth inning?

In a wild-card chase?

To the Phillies???

I've been a baseball fan for 20+ years, easy. I have never seen anything that painful to watch. The Marlins literally forgot how to pitch, field and throw.

Meanwhile, the Phils hit everything. Amazingly, David Bell got the bat on the ball. He even got the ball out of the infield!!!

You know who the Marlins needed, yesterday?



That's right. The Looper.

***

Such a good time with Rob and Debbie yesterday. Went to Cheeburger Cheeburger (or whatever it's called), ate God knows how much, and... we all rolled home together.

Rob is a lucky, lucky man.

Whether he actually knows this or not is up for debate.

"Oh, worst ever!!!"

***

Birds have what should be an easy game this afternoon against the Niners. If they don't win by double digits, I'll be somewhat distraught.

But I have faith. Looking for a stronger showing from the O-line and from the running game... everything else should fall into place just fine.

***

Hope your team did well yesterday, and does well again today.

Friday, September 16, 2005

GOPolice Blotter

Jeb's son arrested for public intoxication and resisting arrest.

Karl Rove's got the kidney stones.

Dick Cheney's having surgery next week to treat an aneurysm in his leg.

Wow. Suddenly Dubya's got it easy, huh?

***

Just watched Friday Night Lights. Great movie. And just like Field of Dreams, I didn't mist up at all.

Really, I didn't.

I swear.

*cough*

Why won't you believe me?

***

Good talking with Jeff and Liza tonight. It had been much too long. And all of the sudden, Sabrina's walking?

Wow.

Not all is roses, though. Jeff still likes the Jints, apparently.

We'll have to do something about that.

How can a guy be so smart, so gifted, and yet so fundamentally misguided?

Oh, well. God will be the final arbiter, and I'm pretty sure He digs Gang Green.

***

Was that over the line?

***

Comedians I hold dear at this particular moment, 3 of whom are quite dead:

1. Bill Hicks (always #1)
2. Lenny Bruce
3. Zach Galifianakis
4. Mitch Hedberg
5. A cop-out, but anyone in the Mr. Show family, including:

David Cross
Bob Odenkirk
Brian Posehn
Patton Oswalt
Paul F. Tompkins
Sarah Silverman (status in doubt, given immensely questionable and horrific relationship with Jimmy Kimmel)

... and assorted guest stars cool enough to know that this was one tremendous show while it was actually happening.

***

This is a devastating setlist.

Sigur Ros, in case you were wondering.



***

wilco - i am trying to break your heart (live)
broken social scene - ibi dreams of pavement (a better half)
franz ferdinand - the fallen
tv on the radio - dry drunk emperor
clap your hands say yeah - satan said dance (live)

Oh, the Shame

I don't have any desire to see Oldboy... I don't know a thing about it, in fact (though Roger Ebert does, apparently).

But this makes me want to see it.

This is the Dawning of the Age of Aquarius



I didn't listen to the President last night, though I'm guessing that he made his horrible squinty/smiley/constipated/sincere face multiple times while addressing the country from New Orleans...

I did, however, somehow hear half the country say at roughly the same time, "Honey? Isn't CSI supposed to be on right now?

It's 9 o'clock, right? CBS? What the... oh, goddamnit! This guy, again?!?

(sound of TV Guide being thrown against the wall)

***

I was out at Rock Bottom last night, doing the pre-game show with Chris. Seems we can't even see a simple movie anymore without having a few beers, first... which is fine by me.

"40 Year Old Virgin" was solid (Steve Carell is borderline genius), but without Teso getting up five times in the middle of the movie, apologizing as he shuffles off to the bathroom... something was missing. Hope that guy is OK, and not still at work.

The movie had plenty of quotable lines, a lot of laughs... and I remember next to none of it (this is a recurring trend... I wonder if I have a disorder? Sombody break out the DSM-IV). Perhaps I'll go to IMDB, look up the quotes, and then play it off as though I have a photographic memory or something.

Then you'll be impressed... and you'll like me.

Yeah.

That would be awesome.

***

Click on "Between Thought and Expression" (link on the right) to see pics of Kate Moss doing lines of cocaine. It will fascinate you.

***

Much more important-- click on "Information Leafblower" (also on the right!) and find out that our beloved and oft-quoted Bill Simmons is coming to DC on a book tour in early October.

Boys? We in? I'll bet he'll give us his autograph... whereever we want it...

***

I'm ready for the weather to break. The last few weeks had been OK around here, but now the humidity is pissing me off. (Weather-induced) stickiness sucks.

So enough with the gentle segue, and the slow turn of the seasons... let's just cut to the chase and enter Fall. OK? Some rain, perhaps?

***

Did you know that Adams was a mechanic?

***

Benton, hope you got back to the D.R. alright, and that Melissa is doing well. I hope that congratulations are in order.

***

Whose fame confuses you more: Tara Reid, Jennifer Love Hewitt or Heather Graham?

Discuss.

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Congratulations, Britney

Search Me

Looks like I'm Google-able, now. Type in "daverambles" or "Moebius Trip," and... and...

You already know I'm here, I guess. Which makes this... of no use to you, whatsoever.

Check Out Google's New Feature

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

I'd Like That

Who doesn't love Martha Dumptruck?

Click to Listen to "Teenage Suicide... Don't Do It"


***

And who doesn't love penguins?

Well, what about right-wing penguins? Thanks to Steph for the heads-up.

***

Finally, if you are a child of the 80s, then for the love of God, do not click here.

Hey, Michelle

I'll ask you again.

Would You Please Get Out of that State?

That's It, the Season's Over

Not quite.

Calm down, Philadelphia fans. Relax, Eagles haters.

The Eagles always start weak. This loss, as a matter of fact, moved Reid to 2-5 on opening day games.

And yet they seem to right the ship soon after, right? Every year, right? So given the trend... I think we're going to be just fine.

How's about some grades?


Offense: C-

Very confusing evening for the Birds' O. Owens had a good deal of success for a while (though he wasn't able to really break anything)... then nothing. It seemed as though he couldn't catch a damned cold in the fourth quarter... was it intentional? Was he tired? Was Donovan making poor passes? Or was T.O. running half-hearted routes?

As for Westbrook, he had almost nothing at the start... and then he picked things up a bit. I'm not entirely sure why he wasn't used more as the game went on, as the Falcons were having trouble picking him up, consistently.

And McNabb... well, McNabb just seemed off the entire night, making bad decisions by the bushel.

So... am I missing anyone else? Because all I saw from the offense was those three guys. That, and a lot of penalties from the line.

Back to McNabb... why didn't he run the ball, even once?

Why did he seem to be allergic to throwing the ball away?

What was with that backwards pass that resulted in a funble?

And most importantly... how's he feeling this morning? Because I wouldn't be surprised to find out that he had some seriously bruised ribs from that hit in the first quarter. Did you see him wincing on the sideline?

Donovan doesn't wince!

Anyway, I hope that after watching the tape, he realizes how poorly he played... and picks it up. Immediately.

I have faith that he will.


Defense: B-

This grade should be higher, right? Forcing a number of turnovers? Holding a great (or very good, at least) offense to 14 points at home? Playing aggressive, for the most part? Dawkins having an all-pro-worthy evening?

Too bad. As is the norm, the Eagles' run defense is a problem. And I know, Trotter was out, blah blah blah. Vick is an all-world superstar, yadda yadda yadda.

But no one else stepped up, least of all Labinjo. And last time I checked, fat Corey Simon is (inexplicably) a Colt.



So given that the Falcons have a sub-par passing attack... it was all about stopping the run. And last night, the Birds just couldn't do it when it counted... which was, evidently, in the first half. Even when they knew it was coming.

That's a bad sign.


Special Teams: C-

Holding Allen Rossum to pretty much nothing is a nice way to earn an "A." But David Akers just can't miss (notonebut) two field goals, even if they are almost 50 yards apiece, in a game of this magnitude.

In a dome. With solid snaps.

Do you remember anything the Eagles' return men did? Me neither.


Coaching: D

The playcalling last night was highly suspect... where was the versatility that has marked almost every Eagles win over the past several years? When you throw to Owens and Westbrook and nobody else; when you don't establish the run or even attempt to; when you waste time outs; when you throw 8 yard patterns when you need 10 yards... you've more than earned the criticism you're going to hear all week on WIP.

But the Trotter situation? I blame the coaching staff. Sure, you can't control the players once they're on the field. But a smart team, one that is prepared and that has its head in the game, doesn't let that happen. That wouldn't happen to the Patriots.

Trash talking is one thing; fighting is another. And for once (as I am typically a strong Reid backer), I blame the coach.

***

The Eagles should have a tonic next week, as T.O. returns to San Francisco. I think that after some hard time looking in the mirror, they come back strong.

This isn't a season-ender, especially in light of the other NFC contenders' performances over the weekend. But... a bit demoralizing. Because really... the Falcons didn't play their best game, either.

***

Thanks again to Andy for hosting, and for letting me borrow your new TV. You wouldn't have thought it could fit in my trunk... but there you go. Who's laughing now?

Great wings, btw. Andy is a master chef. Between his cooking and Wawa... we were prepared for last night but good.

***

Today's a day where it's good to work from home. I can mourn in my own private fashion.

***

By the way, if you were wondering... Abby went to the nurse, and got a tetanus shot but needed no stitches. Some ointment, some large bandages, she'll have to keep an eye on things for awhile to make sure nothing flames up... but she's OK. Thanks for your concern.

Monday, September 12, 2005

Less Than Seven Hours to Go





...Only a Mother Could Love

The people of New Orleans don't care for our Vice President.

Not Safe for Work

Your Very Own Link

If you have your own site... I've put it up. Check out the new section on the right.

Some are lame placeholders, I know.

But as I've said before... I take requests.

"Get a Sense of Humor, Rocky Dennis!"

Last night's Family Guy was tremendous, and I'll get to that in a second... but first of all, my wife.

WARNING: This story involves blood, and may not be for the squeamish.

Now that I have your attention.

Abby and I had a nice talk yesterday, which was good... and later, in the afternoon, she headed out with friends to play soccer for the first time in an intramural league, through her office (I think).

When she returned a few hours later, she asked if she could come in and say hello... so I say, "no problem," and she comes in, laughs, and points to what must be the largest gash in the history of man under her left knee.

Seems she made an extremely poor attempt at a slide tackle, or she had a horrible fall (or both), and... really, you should have seen this thing. It was a few inches square. She showed me the back of her shin pad-- both that and her entire sock were completely drenched red. And she is LAUGHING. Not cackling; she's not nuts... just finds it so disgusting that it is funny to her.

I was honestly worried. Still am, actually.

So she went into work today, despite feeling ill (apart from the massive leg wound), primarily to see the nurse in her building. I'd asked her last night if she wanted me to take her to the hospital, as the thing... well, it looked like much more than a scrape, let's just say. It looked really ugly.

But she said that she'd been feeling ill all day, and that all she wanted to do was clean it up and fall asleep. So she used some alcohol or peroxide, or something... and then slept on it.

I hope she's feeling better today.

***

An entire day of football?

With the Saints beating the Panthers?

The Vikings and the Rams getting their asses handed to them?

The Colts and Ravens for a night game?

Yes, please.

***

OK, last night's episode of Family Guy was one of the funniest shows since its return. James Woods is now a personal hero of mine.

Well, that might be a bit much. But then, any show that can give you:

* a Flintstones tampon sheep (maybe you had to be there);
* Peter's duet with James Woods;
* a Spanish-speaking Quagmire;
* Christina Aguilera being taken completely apart as a dirty, talentless whore;
* Stewie reading the Da Vinci Code;
* Adam West eating creamed corn at the movie theater; and
* a terrific Ferris Bueller nod?

Great stuff. Loved it.

Even American Dad was kind of funny last night, for the first time.

***

Rob and Jay-- if either of you are reading this, please remind me... Benton got you guys some stuff, which I have for you. Next time we get together-- if we ever get together again-- remind me to bring it along.

***

So...

um...

how was Shakespeare, dude?

Sunday, September 11, 2005

Your Blast of Morning News/Rhetoric

From CNN:

Poll: Bush approval at 39 percent

WASHINGTON (AP) -- President Bush's job approval has dipped below 40 percent for the first time in the AP-Ipsos poll, reflecting widespread doubts about his handling of gasoline prices and the response to Hurricane Katrina.

Nearly four years after Bush's job approval soared into the 80s after the terrorist attacks on September 11, 2001, Bush was at 39 percent job approval in an AP-Ipsos poll taken this week. That's the lowest since the the poll was started in December 2003.

The public's view of the nation's direction has grown increasingly negative as well, with nearly two-thirds now saying the country is heading down the wrong track.

***

Well, duh.

***

In lighter news, this from ABC...

Tape Released: American al Qaeda Member Warns of Attacks
Names Los Angeles and Melbourne as Next Targets

By BRIAN ROSS

Sep. 11, 2005 - In an apparent Sept. 11 communiqué broadcast on ABC News, an al Qaeda operative threatens new attacks against cities in the US and Australia.

"Yesterday, London and Madrid. Tomorrow, Los Angeles and Melbourne, God willing. At this time, don't count on us demonstrating restraint or compassion," the tape warns. "We are Muslims. We love peace, but peace on our terms, peace as laid down by Islam, not the so-called peace of occupiers and dictators."

American intelligence officials believe the man who appears on the tape to be Adam Gadahn of Orange County, Calif. Last year, Gadahn delivered a similar taped communiqué for al Qaeda. That tape was later deemed authentic.

On the new tape, delivered to ABC News, Gadahn's message contains a very pointed al Qaeda threat against Los Angeles and Melbourne.

In response to the threats against their city, Los Angeles Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa and the city's police department released a statement this morning. They admitted to Los Angeles being a target of terrorism, but said there are no known, credible threats against the city and labeled the tape an instrument of al Qaeda propaganda.

***

Oy.

***

On a completely unrelated note, that loss last night was an absolute killer for OSU. Seemed to me they had the game in control for the most part... though I reserve the right to change my mind after reading this morning's sports page.

Either way, a dark day for the Big 10.

***

Do you still love us, Jeff? How about now?

***

I am lost, I'm no guide
but I'm by your side

I am right by your side... yeah.

Saturday, September 10, 2005

Out of Nowhere, Plans for Tonight

And just like that, I'm feeling better.

Shed no tears for me. ;)

***

By the way... the Sports Guy totally gets it.

"• During a commercial in the second quarter, I decided to watch my first Pats game with my baby daughter, who's 4 months old now and enjoys staring at football games because of the cool colors on the field. At least that's what I keep telling myself -- the bottom line is that she could stare at a sock for 15 minutes and be entertained. Anyway, we sat down in front of the TV, they came back from commercial ... and Moss immediately caught his 73-yard TD pass. That was her first Patriots play ever.

(And probably last ... because I immediately gave her back to the Sports Gal. I don't mess around with this stuff. Not even with my own flesh and blood.)"

()

It's a lazy Saturday, and I've already watched my (early) fill of college football. I'm hardly a Notre Dame fan, but I am definitely not a Michigan fan... and so I'm pleased with the upset.

But now I'm bored.

What to do, what to do.

I got a few books out of the library... cleaned up a bit... sobered up a bit... but I wish I had some plans for THIS evening, really. Something to distract me. Because I'm having one of those "overthinking" days that we all have from time to time.

Oversensitive.

A bit down.

Ugh.

***

Which is ridiculous, because I ended up having a really good night last night. Perhaps I'm suffering today by comparison... yeah. Maybe that's it.

I met Benton (yes, at the rest stop) and we drove up to Baltimore to see Doug. Doug lives... I don't know, 5 minutes from Ilise, at most? Very similar neighborhood... a great rowhome in the middle of a (possibly) dodgy area. As Doug has lived there for 4 years, though... I'll assume he's doing more than OK.

Especially given his rooftop deck... what a fantastic view of the city.

Anyway, last night was a bit of a blur. Bar hopping around different sections of Baltimore. Lots of fun, a good amount of drink... and a nice tour. I was a bit worried that between the fact that Doug and I are both undergoing some shit, and the fact that I've never *really* hit it off with Doug, it wouldn't work. Thankfully, it wasn't a problem.

Doug's good people.

I wound up crashing at Mike's parents place... and I slept like a champ.

But waking up... that was the problem. Waking up when you're still a bit loaded... having to face parents who aren't your own... not really being able to walk a straight line...

It could have been much worse than it was, let's just say. Thankfully, Mike's parents are great.

Thank goodness, by the way, that Mike and his dad realized MD-Clemson was a noon start, and not a 6pm game, as they'd thought to be the case.

THAT would have sucked.

***

Listening to one of my favorite Arcade Fire songs, "Wake Up," as performed with David Bowie on some TV special the other night.

And...

No. Doesn't seem to work.

Love Bowie, certainly love the Arcade Fire... but it just doesn't seem to work.

Whereas their performances with David Byrne... well worth your downloading dollar.

***

Andy loved his TV. Going to make for a nice MNF watching experience, right, buddy?

Eagles, 31-17.

Friday, September 09, 2005

What I Do for My Friends

I'm meeting this f'n guy at a rest stop between DC and Baltimore.

Not, and I repeat, NOT how I thought I'd be spending my Friday night. Let's hope that after some predictable awkwardness and/or cuddling, the night can move forward.

***

When I get my head about me... I'll almost certainly delete this little slice of embarrassment. Read it while you can. ;)

Everybody's Workin' for the Weekend

Sorry about that. Had to get it out of my head.

***

Told you to take the Patsies and the over, didn't I?

Anybody see any defense in the first half? Because I sure as hell didn't.

***

Wow... yesterday was a dreadful day. The computer (and Jaffe's terminal server) kept crashing, which made for a very sloooow work day; I made a stupid little mistake at work that people noticed, anyway; plans for the evening fell through (hope you're feeling better today, "ashtray breath"); my "happy hour" was underwhelming... blecch. One for the scrap heap.

But these things happen from time to time.

Right?

***

At least Benton rang me up to shake me out of it. And directed me to the following analysis of the most mystifying song of the year:

NSFW-- Repeated Uses of the Dreaded "S Word".

Mike claims to have his own blog, by the way... but if he doesn't even know where it is, then how are we supposed to?

Odds on Bentonblog ever seeing the light of day: 20-1.

***

Have my first appointment in a few weeks, today. Maybe we'll see some progress.

After which, I will probably need to get out of the house. Come through for me, Doug.

Thursday, September 08, 2005

Good Luck Tonight, Chris

NFL, NFL, NFL

I'm not apologizing for any of today's NFL content... because, and I'm talking to you, Steph, today is opening day.

OPENING DAY!!!


I haven't seen the spread for tonight's game, but I'm guessing it's going to be very easy to pick, as bookies and friends routinely try to hook in as many potential bettors as possible during the first month of the season. So, if you're going to bet, bet the league's power teams in September.

But then, you already knew that, didn't you?

I'm not a betting man, myself, but... take the Pats and the over. No matter what the spread is. No matter what the over/under is.

***

Eagles: 12-4.

And guess what. They're winning it all this year.

Regardless of their turbulent offseason, and regardless of the holes in their roster... they are playoff-tested. And whoever comes out of the AFC... they're going to be more bruised than we will be, coming out of the NFC.

If it's the Pats... we'll have learned from our mistakes.
If it's the Colts... Manning is a headcase.
If it's the Steelers... by that point in the season, they'll have no running game.

This is me, hoping against hope. If you disagree... don't tell me.

***

Andy's got a new blog. I would not go there if you hate Penn State... but then, if you hate Penn State, you have problems anyway. And Andy doesn't want you there.

Kidding.

I think.

Check out Blue and White, and other musings.

***

Tennis screwed up again. They got a stone cold gift match last night-- unbelievable, given that Roddick lost on the first day this year-- and yet the thing didn't start until what? 10pm? And it didn't end until 1:15 in the morning?

A sport that has one foot in the grave can't afford to do this. The blue court is nice, the US Open Series is OK (the nicknames can go), but people aren't going to watch if, I don't know... THEY'RE ASLEEP?!?

***

This from the Washington Post's sports section the other day:

"Linebacker LaVar Arrington is now sporting an Afro hair style."

That is some hardcore sports content, right there.

***

The Phillies are now 427,394 games out of the wildcard, I think.

It sure seems that way, anyway.

***

Am I the only one who thinks that Carlos Mencia's style of constant yelling sounds suspiciously like Rosie in "Riding the Bus with My Sister"?

Both do the same awful "retard" noises that kids did back in third grade... and it's just wrong in so many ways.

And in case you think me too "liberal" for saying so... the main problem is that the guy just isn't funny.

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

Trying Not to Proselytize... Failing



Please don't tell me that George Bush isn't doing enough to help the victims of the hurricane. This was taken on the Tuesday after Katrina hit, in case you missed it.

***

You know, I need to do better about keeping my politics to myself. But then, today, someone reminded me of this famous jewel, courtesy of Karl Rove:

"As people do better, they start voting like Republicans - unless they have too much education and vote Democratic, which proves there can be too much of a good thing."

***

New links on the right.

I Take Requests

Never let it be said that I don't listen to my dear (anonymous) readers.

A member of the peanut gallery requested less football talk (I can promise to try, I suppose), and more particle physics.

How about I split the difference?

I think this old chestnut is the precise halfway point between guy talk and basement-of-the-science-building chat... although I could be wrong.

The Paper is Due on My Desk, Monday at Noon

Our Season... IS SAVED!!!

From the AP/ESPN:

PHILADELPHIA -- Terrell Owens is ready to end his feud with Donovan McNabb.

Owens and McNabb haven't been on speaking terms throughout the preseason, but the All-Pro wide receiver said Tuesday in an interview on ESPN that he plans to talk to McNabb before Philadelphia's season opener at Atlanta on Monday night.

"It's not that I hate Donovan. I love Donovan. I don't hate him at all," Owens said, speaking publicly for the first time since he returned from a one-week exile from training camp three weeks ago. "I was just disappointed in a few things. I have the right to do that.

"Everybody speaks out of emotion. Everybody speaks out of frustration. Everybody's done it. That means I'm human. If you want me to go in and say I was wrong, maybe I was. Maybe I wasn't."

***

By the way, I'm listening to The Fab Faux on the radio right now... and if this band came to DC, I'd buy out the entire club.

They just played " I Am the Walrus" and "Tomorrow Never Knows"... they're about to play "Strawberry Fields Forever"... and they are simply astounding.

Hello Sunshine

Morning! Hope you slept well.

Sorry to have stayed home last night, Benton... but I'm sure that you had a good time with Zeke.



*cough*



Yeah.

***

Last night, Andy sent me pictures from this past weekend up at PSU... I'd post some of them-- of his family-- but then I'd be a bit of a hypocrite. See, even though it's 2005, and for the most part everyone that reads this p.o.s. knows exactly who I am... I'm STILL wary of posting pictures of myself.

It's why Fred Savage is over there, smiling at you.

You'll just have to make do.

And I'm not going to post pics of Andy (even if he were to give me permission) if I'm not willing to post those of myself.

So there. ;)

***

God, how seriously can I take this?

All of the sudden, I'm about as freewheeling as Cameron in Ferris Bueller.

Loosen up, Dave.

(freewheeling?)

***

Haven't heard T.O.'s latest comments yet-- apparently he spoke to Michael Irvin (never a good sign) and/or his new Miami-based radio show with Dan Le Batard.

Can't wait. I mean, he can only have good things to say, right?

Am I right???

Hello?

***

I did hear Barbara Bush's comments, though.

Par for the course... what can you say.

***

Added some new links on the right side, there--> you should check them out. Fun, interesting, educational, pornographic. You won't know until you click.

***

Off to work, I'm afraid. Back later with deep, meaningful content.

As opposed to loose, meaningless sentences.

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

Too Good for this World


Take care, Little Buddy.

Okay, Look

I hate to be cruel, here... but this was one of the more surreal post-Katrina TV appearances, to say the least. And it needs to be discussed, because... well, it is essential viewing.

I warn you. This video of Celine Dion on Larry King Live is stranger than Kanye's slow-to-load "George Bush doesn't care about black people" rant, odder than the CNN weatherman who completely lost his shit when he was interrupted in the middle of his forecast, and even more random than Wolf Blitzer's unfortunately phrased observations about some of the victims being "so poor, and so black."

So.

If you can make it through this without goofing on Celine... well, you're a better man than I. And if you can make it through without goofing on Larry's unbelievable interviewing prowess... you are something even greater.

Odds are against it, though.

The Inpenetrable Logic of Celine Dion

Who Wears Short Shorts?

Sure, you hate it now.

But you're going to miss hearing Bryan Adams' "Life is an Open Road to Meeeeeeeeeeee" several times a day.

OK, maybe not.

***

Trivia night, as expected, saved my Monday.

After I arrived at his apartment WAY too early (what else is new), Jay let me in and offered me food and drink. Let it be said here and throughout the land that his mom makes the best brownies in the world.

I'm not kidding.

After talking about some of the books he was reading (what kind of old biddies are we?), and doing a bit of knitting, we took off.

At his suggestion, we headed over to Mexicali Rose for the pre-game show: drinks, outdoor seating, there was a small dog... I think I had a burrito... some women talking about Donovan and T.O. that we really should have said hello to... it was all a bit of a haze. I don't think either one of us were quite awake for it, given the lazy day that had come before. Either that, or the Corona kicked in quickly.

It was probably for one of those reasons that made Jay realize that Patton Oswalt is one funny son-of-a-bitch. And made me realize I should REALLY keep my voice down when quoting from the album.

After an hour or so we headed over to Ireland's Four Courts and met up with Benton. He seems to be doing more than well; his "classic" impressions are more than intact. Great to see him again. Like he never left.

Apparently, Melissa (Mike's sister) could go into labor anytime... hard to read Mike's mind as to whether he's ecstatic, frightened, indifferent. Last night wasn't so much about sharing and emotions as it was about goofing around. I'm sure he's very happy. I'd hope so.

Dan, a friend of Mike's from KPMG, also came along... and he is one funny little bastard. Also, he gets the quotes right... something I can never seem to do.

So.

Many drinks were had, dumb questions were missed, hard questions were pulled either out of the air or our asses, Abby was not thought of, and much inane pop culture trivia was shared. Family Guy seemed to get the most play, not surprisingly.

We came back from a large deficit (after all, we were the smartest people in the bar last night, fo' sho') to nab second place out of... what? 15, 20 teams? Not bad. Prize was a $50 gift certificate, which came in handy.

It was quickly decided to make Mondays a regular thing. So, we'll see. Sounds like fun, but at some point I'm going to need to give my liver a break.

***

Stop rolling your eyes, Jay.

***

Have a good day, yo. Know that the NFL starts in two days... it's all gonna be OK.

Monday, September 05, 2005

Sluggish Day

To be saved by Mike, Jay and trivia, in just a few hours.

Oh, I'm thinking the drinks will help immensely, as well. Let's see.

***

john prine - it's a big old goofy world
xiu xiu - gigantic (pixies cover)
tullycraft - cowgirls on parade
ninja high school - jam band death cult
casiotone for the painfully alone - toby take a bow

Sunday, September 04, 2005

We Are Penn State

Maybe tomorrow I'll talk about Rehnquist, about Katrina, about Kanye. But for now... it's all about...

WE ARE!

PENN STATE!


(repeat 100x)

***

Just an incredible weekend. There is nothing better than seeing someone close to you having a through-the-roof experience. That was Andy, for roughly 72 hours. Seeing his old dorms and apartments, his old stomping grounds, everyone in blue and white...

... well, that all paled in comparison to his pride in seeing his four-year-old daughter Peyton with a blue paw on her cheek, singing the Lions' fight song and alma mater over and over again, shouting "We Are Penn State" to anyone who would listen, completely and totally earning the right (!) to proudly wear her #33 PSU football jersey.

Andy and Laura have the best kid in the world. This point is not up for debate.

The game was great, even if the team played a little down. A win is a win is a win. And seeing a game live... well, it made me wish I'd gone to Penn State. Just a phenomenal atmosphere, even in the end zone seats. God forbid we'd been in the student section; I might have passed out.

Before the game even started, we walked through the tailgate, and went to TailGreat in the Bryce Jordan Center. Along with Beaver Stadium... man, Penn State just has some A+ facilities. We had a great time, and really soaked in the collegiate atmosphere. Cheerleaders, Blue Band, majorettes, drum majors... everything just pitch-perfect.

My head is spinning, and I'm not doing the weekend justice... but when Andy all but broke down, watching the incredibly well-done pregame psych-up video on the big screen... it was fantastic, powerful stuff. Living vicariously though him is something I'll remember for a long, long time.

And the fact that he wants to State College with Laura... I have a feeling we'll all be there again, in time. Assuming I can wrangle Jenna Jameson to come along (inside joke; you had to be there).

***

I'm very tired, and I'm leaving a lot of things out... but I am very thankful and appreciative... to be a part of such a great weekend means a ton. To say I had a great time would be a severe understatement.

Thanks, guys.

***

Benton, you have to keep this momentum going. See you tomorrow night, I hope.

Friday, September 02, 2005

Back in a Few Days



Have a great weekend, everybody!

"You Play... to Win... the Game!!!"

I'm guessing that more than a few NYC sportswriters are sorely tempted to use that quote in their wrap-ups of last night's Eagles-Jets slaughter. What was the score, 82-16 or something? I don't even know. It couldn't be any less important, though, could it? Thank God there weren't any injuries.

While Donovan was drinking chamomile tea in the press box, Herm's fifth-stringers were whupping some ass. Well, here's to you, graduates of Florida A&M Community College. Now you're game-tested against the reigning NFC Champs. You took lemons, and made them into lemons that... that... are about to be thrown into the trash.

Or something like that.

***

Speaking of game-tested... congratulations to all the new fathers of twins out there.

Don't forget to breathe, friend (you know, I already forget the Chinese word for "friend"... damnit!).

Seriously... remember that it really is a blessing. Be frightened, sure... but know that it's one of the best things that will ever happen to you.

Apart from Professor Ferguson's class, I mean.

***

Nothing else this morning... although I will say that CNN's headlines are starting to drift into Drudge Country. Not to trivialize what's going on, because it's deserving of all the attention, to say the least, but... wow. CNN is starting to look like a big fat panic button, rather than an arguably objective reporter of the news.

One thing that I'm starting to hear more and more, creeping into the mass media reports, is that the federal government is largely to blame for this... not the hurricane itself, of course... but what we're seeing now.

For instance, (a) its unbelievably slow response time with the relief efforts, given the advance warning it had the week before, and (b) its lack of National Guardsmen, what with the whole Iraq/Afghanistan hullabaloo.

Not to open up THAT can of worms... I'm just reporting what I'm hearing.

And I can't say I disagree.

Thursday, September 01, 2005

Odds on 2008

Someone has taken my completely original idea and just RAN with it. Fun reading. Make sure you scroll all the way down to see the complete Dem and GOP lists in the right-hand column.

Visit the Jaker

This is a Public Service Announcement

Hope this helps some of you out. Click on your state to find the cheapest gas prices in your area:

GasBuddy.com

***

Also, if you are wondering how or where to contribute to the Hurricane Katrina relief efforts, a partial list can be found here:

Hurrican Katrina Relief Organizations

Call to Arms

Where have all your comments disappeared to?

How am I supposed to know how to entertain you, if I get no feedback? All you have to do, you know, is click on where it says "comments" underneath each post, and get to typing... select "anonymous" if you don't have a Blogger.com account, and boom!, yer done.

Please. For the love of all that is holy. Help me to help... you.

Don't you want me to feel loved in this, my hour of need? ;)

***

Got my recommended dose of vitamin S last night. Thank goodness for uppers.

***

This weekend, as I've mentioned, I'll be up at Penn State with Andy, Laura and Peyton, watching the first game of the season against South Florida (hands up, who knew that was a school?). We are leaving tomorrow (Friday) at about noon.

If you have the time, say a little prayer for the Nittany Lions. Not so much for the team, but for Andy. He's my driver, and he won't be able to drive us back if he suffers a coronary or a stroke. Though he's a huge Eagles fan as well... I think he bleeds blue more so than he does green... and he would take a bad performance... rather poorly, to say the least.

If that's incorrect, Andy-- it's not a swipe at your manhood. Just an innocent error. Don't hurt me.

My father has recommended I drop by the Creamery, and have some ice cream on his behalf. Any other PSU-related requests?