Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Korova Milkbar



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Gooooooood mornin' everybody!!!

That would be in honor of Howard Stern, who is back on the air this morning. Which wouldn't be such a big deal in the grand scheme of things, except for the fact that he was suspended yesterday for prattling on and on about Sirius Satellite Radio.

Stern started his show this morning with a lot of "goodbye"-themed songs... only to come on the air about 20 minutes after that. We'd been duped into thinking he was gone for good. Crazy guy, that Howard.

Again, this means nothing. I'm just interested because:

(a) I'm a fan, I guess, and
(b) every woman I know has been telling me how they're going to be subscribing to Sirius as soon as Stern's gone. I'm not kidding.

I had no idea that I knew so many closet Stern fans, let alone so many women that listened to him every day. Odd.

***

You want to know about last night?

You want to know about last night?


Well, so do I. But I don't think I'll be getting the "results" for another 24 hours. Though I did receive an... um... I guess I'd call it an "a la carte" email from one of the women I met last night, who saw my online profile after meeting me last night.

She was obviously entranced by mystique.

That, or my gentlemanly musk.

She was a "no" for me, though, so... how do you say "no" in these situations? There's another person (the panda person) who I don't think I want to go out with a second time (nothing personal)... so, do I just stop contacting them/not respond, and they'll get the point? Do I write them back and let them down gently?

Is there a way of doing this without being a dick?

And when can I fit in a mention of prosthetics, so I can finally get Chris off my back?

***

Anyway.

Bluefin was in Adams Morgan, and, unbelievably, I found parking right in front of the restaurant (it was not a synagogue, for those of you asking-- jokers).

If you've ever been to that area of DC, you know that parking is completely impossible. So, in the spirit of George Costanza, I knew that this was a good sign.

When I went into the restaurant, though... it was nothing but guys. Eight of them, plus the hostess. This was not a good sign.

Most of the guys were in their best starched shirts and ties, all of them looking extremely nervous. It was enough to make me look OK by comparison (although I was dressed up like Lamont from Sanford & Son, if you must know).

For the sarcasm-impaired... that was a joke. I was in a tuxedo.

Anyway, I was relaxed, and really couldn't care less about what the outcome of the night was going to be. Whereas these guys... were testing out their pickup lines on one another, one of them actually asking (swear to God) "so... baby... you like it hard? You a fan of rape?"

Some jokes are better left unsaid. The silence from the other guys could not have been more deafening. Everyone who heard it was just... completely appalled. I truly hope he didn't use that line on any of the women he met.

Well.

It turned out that, even after the women showed up, there were fewer than 15 guys and 15 gals, which is what the program guaranteed... so (allegedly) we get to do this again, for free, at some point in the future. If we want to.

Free? Did someone say free? Suddenly, everyone there became much happier. Because we saw VALUE.

***

The room we were in was trendy, small, white... think Alex's hangout in A Clockwork Orange. With a lot of single Jews in it, that is. It was a bit cramped, and unlike the last thing I went to, where the bar was spacious, lots of places to sit, and we had 8 minutes to talk to each person... last night we were limited to 4 minutes per person (the guide said 3, but there were so few people, we got a bonus minute... go figure). Either way, that much time... it was nowhere near enough.

Or, in some instances, it was plenty. I'll only tell some of you about last night's more memorable ladies.

Anyway, just like the last time, there was much more "good" than "bad" to be had. I believe I spoke with nine different women, most of them very nice. That said, I was a bit more careful with who I said "yes" to this time around (no sense in just building up numbers for the sake of it).

What I did like was that this program only offered a "yes/no" decision on the people you met, as opposed to that tricky "second date / friendship / business" nonsense. So... we'll see.

I'd be interested in talking with the cute girl from Philly who could not stop talking football... but then, that's just me.

***

I was considering going to the 9:30 Club afterwards, as the Super Furry Animals were in town, and the show (incredibly) was not sold out as of yesterday afternoon, but it was raining, and I was wearing some heavy, un-concert-attire-esque clothing.

So, I went home.

By which I mean, I got a jumbo slice of pizza, and had it in my car while I listened to ESPN Radio.

Such a loser.

***

Back to the non-David news and comment:

Seems that many of us may have been duped.

***

Did you know that Kate Bush is back? Didja? Well, did you know she's gone completely batshit insane? A clip from this morning's Washington Post:

But still: Not even five minutes into her long-overdue double album, "Aerial," we find the idiosyncratic artist singing tenderly about a man "with an obsessive nature and deep fascination for numbers/and a complete infatuation with the calculation of pi." To illuminate her point, Bush then transforms the digits that make up the ratio of a circle's circumference to its diameter into one of the most atypical if strangely compelling choruses in recent memory.

"Threeeeeeee/Point-one four one five niiiiinne," she purrs in that swooping, otherworldly three-octave voice of hers. "Two six five three five eight nine seven nine three twooooo," etc., ad (nearly) infinitum.

Indeed, by the time the jazzy, atmospheric song, "Pi," ends, Bush has carried the titular mathematical constant out to more than 100 decimal places. And yet, you somehow find yourself wanting to hear more.


Or, not.

***



Please start watching Arrested Development. You have no idea what you're missing.

***

Not that you care, but more Harmonium news from tech and graphic guy Ryan:

thanks to the LHB link, we should hit around 400 visitors / 200 uniques today, which would be a record for us. feed subscriptions are at an all time high after hemhorraging in the days leading up to yesterday. in the week ending today at noon we had around 2000 visitors, half of those were unique. hits are lower on weekends/days we don't post anything. and on days we post new shit, we get over a hundred first time visitors. so the lesson is: let's keep posting new shit

harmonium visitors now have the ability to browse by artist. there was no good way of doing this without it being a painstaking physical task, so i did it

ALSO

jed, the "contact us" link should be more obvious on the site. bands and record labels will want to see that.

so we're going to end up with around 600 visitors / 250 unique visitors / 80 first time visitors today

that's huge for us

good work, everyone


***

All this, and a review from our site got cited in a Portuguese-language review of a Modest Mouse-covers album. Or something like that.

We've hit the big time, baby!!!

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