Friday, March 31, 2006

Dear Michelle

Quit yer bitchin'.

More Snakes on a Plane

Who doesn't love prank calls?

I've only made it through two of these, so far, but... very funny stuff.

Prelude to a Move

I'm just a teensy bit frantic this morning, as I look around my house and see four floors' worth of shit.

How in the hell am I going to get this stuff out of here in the next week? There just seems to be so much, in every corner.



We've got an enormous pile of crap in our "living room" that is set to go to Goodwill... but still. Even assuming that goes this weekend, I still have appliances, clothes, entertainment stuff, furniture, junk I actually want to keep... the mind boggles.

I think I still have a lot of work in front of me.

***

Just wondering... how did last night's barbeque with Chris and Noel turn into the midnight edition of The McNeil-Lehrer Report?

Maybe it had something to do with watching Good Night, and Good Luck (again)?

***

Huh.

***

Last weekend, as I was introducing my Dad to my iPod (family's gotta meet family, y'know), he asked me whether one's hearing could be damaged by excessive iPod use, especially if it was turned up too loud.

Seems that Apple was listening.

***

The NME is "reporting" that the Smiths were offered a sum closer to $10M to reunite, rather than the paltry $5M that had been reported only last week.

Does this mean that Morrissey is holding out for $25M? Does the Mozfather play like that?

***

Bears.

Books.

***



You know, it continues to amaze me that noted Grumposaurus Rex Harrison Ford is able to stay in character for months, even years at a time. He's worn that same frown for, what? Decades, now?

Well, now word comes that, in addition to hating kids that run on his front lawn, Han Solo hates the internet.

What???
I am personally offended.

How can he possibly hate the internet when it gives us oldies but goodies like this?

Or this?

***

Have you received your tarot reading from the Flaming Lips?

***

A companion piece to something I posted on a week or so ago: I wants the gold.

***

By the way-- I have two fanshmabulous games for you today: "Don't Shoot the Puppy" and "How Much?"

Try not to throw a brick through your computer screen.

***

Rest in peace, Professor Ferguson.

Thursday, March 30, 2006

Schadenfreude in Reverse

If you only read one of my Harmonium reviews this season, be sure to make it this one.

One star out of five.

The album. Not the review.

And be sure to read the comments.

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

"Best Play Ever, Man"

"The Yiddish Policemen's Union" News

Holy shit, Chabon has updated his site!

Apparently, his new novel, The Yiddish Policemen's Union, "will be published in January, 2007. Really. No, really."

Let's hope that the story is better than than the title.

Believe it or not, I preferred Chabon's original title, Hatzeplatz (or Hotzeplotz, according to this 3-year old article that provides some background).

Schadenfreude

Has anyone noticed that the UConn men and (more importantly) the UConn women have both been bounced from the NCAA tournament?

Because I most certainly have not.

(sigh)

Gotta feel for those girls.

***

Feeling 110% better this morning. I don't know what I did yesterday apart from taking it easy (hold your jokes, please), but I'm ready to sit on my ass again, today, as if I'd never gotten sick in the first place.

Erm... yeah.

***

Christopher Walken is a God amongst men.

"Babies.. before we're done here.. y'all be wearing gold-plated diapers."

***

I'm adding a link to Ricky Gervais' site over to the right.

Maybe that way, I'll stop posting about him over and over again.

***

Nothing much else to talk about this morning, although I would like to point out to Steph that this past weekend's edition of USA Today had a great piece on FSM.

I don't know that any of you will necessarily be interested... but Steph and pasta... well, I don't have to tell you.

***

Tonight on Lost, the hatch apparently "comes alive." I hope they don't botch this.

Because it smells like a "jump the shark" moment, to me.

Let's hope not.

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

In Case You Were Wondering

More tomorrow, when I am due back at 100% (knock on wood), but for now...

pete kuzma (feat. bilal) - high and dry
nelly furtado - promiscuous girl
of montreal - spanish dance troupe
band of horses - the funeral
the dresden dolls - sing

Snakes on a Sudoku

Here.

Infomercials

... are just about the only thing on TV when you wake up at 2:30 am and find yourself channel surfing.

Good morning, everybody. Hope you're feeling chipper and alert, and that the coffee has kicked in.

Me? I'm trying to recover from a bit of a lost weekend. I am very, very much off of my schedule (whatever that is, these days).

***

Ohio was great, in the sense that I got to see my family. Michelle looks absolutely gorgeous, and is excited to be in the home stretch. Seeing her house, her crazy-ass dog (who, despite being completely mental, is pretty great), and Mike and his parents again... all of these things were very good.

Unfortunately, less than a day into the trip, (after leaving a library book on the damned plane, for the record), I got very sick. I don't know how or why, but I have spent the better part of the last two days in bed, eating next to nothing. It's been miserable.

You don't need to know the details, do you?

Didn't think so. Think nausea and pain, and you'll be close enough.

Suffice it to say, I've been awake for two hours already this morning, wondering why Wesley Snipes and Jessica Simpson and Diddy feel the need to sell their souls (further) in order to sell more product.



Each of you is officially off the artistic roll call.

***

Back to my weekend in Ohio. Being in bed the whole time meant that I saw every episode of Sportscenter roughly 14 times, and watched almost every minute (or so it seemed) of both the NCAAs and the golf.

I heard that George Mason got into the Final Four... did you hear about that, yet?



Speaking of sports, did you catch the Sports Guy's marathon chat session? If not, here's the transcript.

***

Yes, I saw the Ricky Gervais episode of The Simpsons... I thought it was fantastic.



Family Guy was pretty great, too. Watching it with my dad might have been even funnier. Though it was hard to tell, I think he really enjoyed it.

***

Some links I've been meaning to post:

This article is only worth reading for the wine critic's comment, about halfway down the page.

Snide bastard.

***

Whoops.

***

This looks like a horribly wasted opportunity, doesn't it?

***

Rest in peace, Arrested Development.

***

Many of you have already seen this sculpture of Britney Spears, giving birth to Sean Preston..

If you haven't, however, or if you are at work, you might want to hold off. Not only could it get you fired, but it's just... completely disturbing.

***

Will anything go right for the Eagles this off-season?

Anything at all?

Nope. Apparently not.

Nice job, Dhani Terrio.



***

Who's with me?

***

Another music post. One of you was asking me about this, recently. It's a nice little collection of Pearl Jam rarities and covers (and apparently, it is only part one).

If you want to hear Pearl Jam singing with Robert Plant, Bruce Springsteen, Neil Young, etc... clicky.

***

Finally, Bush One and Bush Two.

I know the first one is a bit old, but it's worth checking out again.

Thursday, March 23, 2006

The One Where Television Makes Me Its Bitch

Lots of Entertainment Weekly-caliber stuff to hit upon today.

Before I forget, though... I'll be heading out of town tomorrow afternoon. I'll be taking a flight with the 'rents to see my sister and her husband (and Stewie) in Ohio... which should be pretty great, as it's been awhile since I've seen everybody.

It sure seems that way, at least.

And yeah, spare me the "Ohio" jokes. It's going to be tough enough for me to use a TV with three channels, a rotary phone missing the number "8," and a dinosaur that doubles as the dishwasher all weekend.



Anyway.

I'll be back on Monday afternoon, but I can't promise how often I'll be able to update the site between now and then. So... feel free to check in, I guess... but with the knowledge that there might be tumbleweeds before there are new posts.

I'm sure you'll make it through.

***

So last night, we sold our patio furniture. A nice enough set, gone, for a whopping $50.

Did you ever get the feeling you'd been cheated?

Ah, well. It was that, or throwing it all to the curb. It's a sense of accomplishment, in a weird way.

Abby's futon/bed and basement couch will be gone by the weekend. So thank you, Craigslist.

***

The larger problem last night (apart from disassembling the umbrella from the base, which proved a bit tricky as the umbrella post had expanded a bit), was that the buyers came over so late that I missed Lost.

One of the only shows I consistently watch, and I botched it.

Luckily, it's available on iTunes (or it will be, anyway). Perhaps I'll download it and watch it on the flight tomorrow?

Emergency averted.

Better to watch the episode than one of Sawyer's Old Navy commercials, surely.

***

What I did see last night, however, were the season premieres of South Park and (God help me) Mind of Mencia.



Why did I watch Mind of Mencia? Because it was on, because I wasn't tired yet, because it was only 10:30, etc.

I will say that Carlos kept his streak alive (way to go!) with last night's episode. He continued to fail to make me laugh, or even crack a smile.

In fact, I actually watched last night's show as a dare (to myself?)... just begging him to say something that would make me chuckle or (possibly) chortle.

Nothing.

He's just a horrendous comedian... horrendous enough that, on the Leno scale (Leno being a -14), he rates a 2.

And that's being exceptionally, exceptionally generous.

***

The incredibly-publicized episode of South Park did what was expected, I guess.



For those of us who are still fans... we are really spoiled at this point by the quick turn-around time, huh?

As far as the show itself-- I expected something a bit nastier, and a bit less of a "happy" ending (Kyle's eulogy). Somehow, it didn't seem to break the new ground it threatened to, though Cartman's loudmouthed crying continues to make me laugh, every time.

But, yeah. Whatever. Chef's dead and gone... unless they make "Darth Chef" a recurring character, that is.

***

Rest in Peace, Chicken Little.

***

Looks like Arrested Development might still have a chance.

Might.

***

Speaking of nothing new, Snakes on a Plane hysteria has reached a fever pitch. I'm not going to bother linking to too much, here... because you're likely bored with this already.



But I will say that several of the sites I checked out this morning had their own unique updates on the movie, on the logo, on new reshoots that have been scheduled...

Now, I don't think it's going to make Titanic money, per se, but the studio has something weird and wonderful on its hands.

Let's hope they make it even more ridiculous as time goes on. You know-- Snakes on a Plane lunchboxes, emergency kits, venom holders, that sort of thing.

***

Sopranos fans should check out this morning's second entry over at Said the Gramophone.

It means little to me (the shame!), but it might mean everything to you.

***

I don't think it would be a good thing at all... but when does all this underground/indie/whatever music go mainstream enough that it gets its own label?

Like "grunge," or "punk"?

I mean, The O.C., I can understand... I guess. Hell, even the Peach Pit had some "current" acts on it. But Belle & Sebastian soundtracking America's pastime???

(and yes, I know about Stuart Murdoch's fascination with baseball, and "Piazza, New York Catcher," Jill, but they're fucking Scots, alright?)

Anyway.

2006 America demands that everything be categorized, and frankly... I'm getting sick of all these bands, scattered all over the place.

How does the title "new age" sound? That's not already taken, is it?

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

The Sure Thing

Love it.

Turncoats and Traitors

I'm sure that Chris will brush it off, say he doesn't care, mention that the Pats have already won their Super Bowls, so it doesn't matter, etc., etc.

But Adam Vinatieri leaving New England and Coach Sweatshirt for Indy? Are you freakin' kidding me??? How could the Patriots let that happen, exactly?

(hey... stop thinking the exact same thing about the eagles and that wide receiver guy who went to the 'pokes... just stop it.)

I don't know... seems that the Pats and the Birds are having a race to see who can fall further, faster. And though the "winner" would seem to be the Pats, from my perspective, well... at least they're falling from the top rung. The Eagles never got that high.

Oh, Donny 5, please, come alive.

***

The more I see/hear about Nacho Libre, the more wary I become.

That being said, the new iTunes-only Jack Black confessionals? Sure to contain crazy amounts of gold nougat.

Check out the first 2 (of 19) "episodes" hyah, and try not to laugh in the face of Jack's utter awesomeness when you see his picture on the site.

***

Speaking of "hyah"... the new season of South Park premieres tonight.

And seeing as how the guys have recently said that they can turn around entire episodes in 6 days, and that tonight's episode is focused on Chef... well, it's a no-brainer that tonight's ep will be a classic.

Right?

Anyway. If you never saw the original Scientology-skewering episode at the root of all this mess, the fine folks at Chef Gate seem to have the solution. Be sure to thank them for their Chocolate Salty Thetan Balls.

(put 'em in yo' mouth!)

***

Cheap shot. So sue me.

***

Pac-Man... what the hell happened to you?

***

There are two new videos up at Ask a Republican. I strongly recommend you click.

***

Finally, Aziz went to South by Southwest... but somehow screwed the whole camera thing up, and only has the pictures from his 1994 trip to show for it.

Check out his snark, would you?

It'll make you feel goodgoodgoodgoodgood...

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Unbelievable... Absolutely Unbelievable

Seems that Stereogum found this link before I could post it, and so now it's a surprise to absolutely no one... but there's some pretty great video of the Flaming Lips performing a familiar song during their surprise SXSW set.

Click here and follow the link for a great version (given that the camera is behind the band and the vocals, anyway) of "Bohemian Rhapsody."

Yes, that "Bohemian Rhapsody."

***

What's unbelievable about that, you ask?

The Lips have been playing that song for awhile now! That wasn't anything special!

Yeah, well, I wasn't referring to that, Holmes.

Rather, to the new Kevin Federline joint, yo. Be careful, though... K-Fed uses some purty bad words.

And if you're a hater-- well consider yo'self served, bitch.

***

Listening to that again, it's... completely impossible to share my favorite line with you.

Too many to choose from.

I will tell you that "I love my kids, motherfucker!" is a contender, though.

***




While I thought that this story (game, blouses) was pretty incredible when I saw it this morning...

it's nothing compared to...

the 9/11 conspiracy theories of Charlie Sheen!!!

***

Sorry to get you excited. Scroll down for Prince.

***

Promise me that you'll never forget...

Nooooooooooo!!!

From today's Inquirer:


WIP-AM (610) yesterday announced the firing of midday host Mike Missanelli for "violating company policy."

Said policy was not specified, but insiders point to a fight with a producer during a broadcast Friday.

The firing, supposedly dictated by CBS corporate in New York, followed a weekend of phone calls in which a contrite Missanelli tried to arrange a suspension, I hear.

Missanelli was set off by technical difficulties in the St. Patrick's Day show, which aired from Brownie's 23 East in Ardmore.

No word of his absence was mentioned on the air yesterday by cohost Anthony Gargano, who was on with Eagles alum Hugh Douglas. For now, Gargano and Douglas will cohost.

Missanelli, 50, returned to WIP, his longtime home, last summer after he worked about two years at WMMR-FM (93.3). The station made way for Missanelli by not renewing the contract of Steve Martorano. The Gargano-Martorano pairing was a ratings leader.

Missanelli had been on a short leash of late. In October, Missanelli apologized after a heated phone interview with Eagles kicker David Akers. A few weeks later, Missanelli and morning host Angelo Cataldi went at it in the studio.

Rubbing It In

Every time I think I've found the craziest clip online, something new comes along to bump it from the top spot.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Mobile, Alabama.

***

A big "thanks" goes out to Jill, this morning.

Yes, my sweet, ever-beloved Jill, who called me last night from some club in New York to tell me that she was about to see the Go! Team for the fifth time, and who had little else to say before the guitars of the opening band kicked in.

You're on very thin ice, missus.

I hope for your sake you bought me a t-shirt.

***

On a happier note, bless Steph for her call-- her contributions to cardboard lore, and to the ever-growing arsenal of flying blue animals.

I won't even mention Zarathustra.

(huh?)

***

If you haven't seen the new Da Vinci Code trailer yet, clicky.

You can continue to marvel at Tom Hanks' flowing locks, and how Ron Howard seems to have truly mastered Dan Brown's knack of leaving no cliches unturned.

***

Apparently, it is impossible to please Division Day's fans.

I made one fairly innocuous comment in an otherwise glowing review, and someone wants to crucify me.

I'm sorry, Max.

I've failed you.

Perhaps I should hang up the 'ol headphones.

***

Could this be the greatest idea of the Reality TV era?

***

Could this story get any creepier?

Yes, apparently... it could.

***

This site isn't letting me plug in images right now.

Otherwise, things would be more interesting. As it happens... meh.

Monday, March 20, 2006

Change

First of all, big thanks to Kevin from Division Day for the nice note and the link to my Harmonium review of The Mean Way In EP.

Again, highly recommended.

***

South By Southwest (or "South By," if you prefer) seems to have come and gone, and I missed every stinkin' second of it.

Much like this year's Sundance Film Festival, it sounds like a lot of people were tired of the volume... both in terms of size and noise. Things apparently grew more corporate than ever, and...

What the hell am I talking about?

1) I wasn't there.

2) I wish I had been.

3) It sounds like it was absolutely incredible. If I'd only ponied up the money to go to Austin, I could have seen one of Tapes 'n Tapes' 327 shows. Or Wayne Coyne rolling down the street in his big ball. Or the Beasties playing a secret show. Or the Go! Team (only two years late!).

4) But instead, I stayed in Alexandria, and did next to nothing. So... I'm just jealous.



***

If you think I'm crying about Terrell Owens (and his new rap, which is more about his new contract than his new teammates) joining the fucking Cowboys, you're sadly mistaken.

Good riddance.

I'm more concerned about the Eagles. With or without T.O., they're looking like the fourth-best team in a four-team division. And Owens can catch as many touchdowns against the Birds and do as many dances as he likes... it doesn't change the fact that our own locker room-- our current roster-- has tons of question marks.

So he can dance if he wants to.

I couldn't care less.

Though I do reserve the right to gloat when the whole thing goes up in flames. Let's hope that takes place in, oh, I don't know... late October?

***

Sunday, March 19, 2006

Strange Days, Indeed

Abby's been in the house all weekend, working on the computer. Hence, the lack of posts.

Which isn't an altogether bad thing, except that... I don't know.

Read into it what you will.

Let just say that I'm looking forward to April.

***

I know I already thanked Jay for this, but again... Freaks and Geeks... where in the hell was I at when NBC showed this?

So ashamed... so behind the times. I'll just have to buy the set.

And "Southern Rock Opera" and "Heartbreaker," Jay... especially "Heartbreaker"... phenomenal stuff. Really.

***

Hope you're feeling better soon, Ilise.

In your honor...

Ferris: [his recorded message for the doorbell] Who is it? Oh, I'm sorry. I can't come to the door right now. I'm afraid that in my weakened condition, I could take a bad spill down the stairs. You can reach my parents at their places of business. Thank you for stopping by. I appreciate your concern for my well-being. Have a nice day!

***

Hung out with Jeff last night and caught the Rahman-Toney "championship" fight.

The fight wasn't all that bad... but what made the night (and I'm not talking about the half-hour we spent watching Alien vs. Predator, afterwards) was Jim Lampley describing Toney before the fight began as,

Quote,

a "fat tub of goo."

Unquote.

Teso and I didn't repeat that line 100 times, last night. No way.

***

Better celebrity encounter: this? Or this?

***

Hope your hangover is gone by now. More later.

Friday, March 17, 2006

A Little Bit of This, A Little Bit of That

Not that you have to choose one or the other... you can check out both links... but two very different items just came to my attention.


1) Scientists have found so-called "smoking gun" evidence regarding the Big Bang and inflation theory.

If you understand what the hell these people are talking about, I'm sure you'll find the article completely fascinating.


2) For the rest of us, however... the far more astounding trailer for the long-awaited Snakes on a Plane.

Dragon Day

As Steph reminded me this morning, in addition to being St. Patrick's Day, today marks something far more important... Dragon Day.



From the Cornell website:

"Dragon Day began in 1901 by architecture student Willard Straight, the annual spring parade plays out the long-standing rivalry between architecture and engineering students. First-year architects build a multi-story dragon and parade it with great fanfair from Sibley Hall to the Engineering Quad, and then to the Arts Quad where it is consumed in a spectacular and roaring bonfire."



This blurb fails to mention that everyone gets tanked beforehand, dressing in weird-ass costumes... and the fact that the engineering students attempt to destroy the dragon as it is paraded around. Whether by snowballs, beercans or... anything they can get their hands on, really, it doesn't matter. It's wonderfully dangerous.



The architects tend to work on the dragon in secret for months leading up to its unveiling and processional.



I think it has since been made illegal, but I seem to remember the dragons from my four years at Cornell were "functional"-- not only did their wings flap, but they breathed fire. God's honest.



***

Well, March Madness started off great for me... I hit on 7 of the first eight games.

Then I proceeded to get crushed in the evening's set.

Thankfully, I only lost 2 from my sweet 16 (Syracuse and San Diego State, my upset special)... but I'm frightened of today's games, now. I'm sure that Duke, Texas, UConn and Villanova will all lose, and my bracket will be officially busted.

Weeping aside, yesterday was full of incredible basketball... the BC, Tennessee and GW games, in particular. Jay and I were all but screaming at the television at some of the plays and runs in the GW game, which was an amazing game to watch.

Speaking of which... thanks, Jay, for the Freaks and Geeks set and the CDs. You are a gentleman and a scholar.

***

I love that Morrissey "triggered gasps from the audience" with this little announcement.

***

It's Bez's world, we just live in it.

***

Lollapalooza looks strong this year. God forbid Radiohead is one of the acts they're threatening to add... I'll hitch to Chicago.

***

Anyone want to join me?

Thursday, March 16, 2006

Best Picture

Last night I finally saw Good Night, and Good Luck. I'm amazed that it didn't get more consideration in the Best Picture category than it did.

To be honest, I haven't seen Brokeback Mountain, but I have seen each of the other nominees... and Good Night compares very nicely.



Perhaps the best compliment I can pay George Clooney (who co-starred, co-wrote and directed the movie) is that, after watching, I wanted to learn more about Edward R. Murrow and Joe McCarthy. And how many movies make you want to do that?

Highly recommended.

***

Speaking of Brokeback, it's been a week or two since the latest parody.

To keep you ahead of the curve, fresh out of the oven... here's Mount Brokeback. It gets better as it goes, so be patient.

***

Bjork is such a sellout. I'd never figure her for the Armageddon, Con Air-type blockbuster.

This should make $100 million in the first week, easy.

***

OK, I keed, I keed.

This looks a little bit more palatable. Check out Sin City 2: Electric Boogaloo.

***



(suppressing the urge to rejoice)

***

Which athlete has the better name?

Is it David Nalbandian? Or is it "Pops" Mensa-Bonsu?

Or do you have other nominees?

***

Uh... don't know if anyone has noticed... but the Phillies are 9-4 in Spring Training.

Can a World Series be far behind???

No?

Really?

Oh. Sorry to bother you.

My bad.

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Running on Empty

Got nothing to offer this morning... the coffee hasn't kicked in.

But I know you love your links, so...

1) Dallas.

2) Welcome Back, Kotter.

3) Nothing funnier than a comedian who apologizes for his jokes.

4) My worst nightmare.

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

(never mind)

Turns out it was a ton of people who Googled "Clay Aiken."

Sigh.

Who Are You?

The fact that over 30 of you have visited this site in the past 2-3 hours has me a bit worried.

Why, you ask?

Because I only have four friends.

So if you'd be so kind as to tell me in the comments section... who are you, and what brought you here? Introduce yourself... especially if you happen to be a frequent visitor.

News from Ohio

Thanks to Michelle and Mike.

I Don't Mean a Big Reduction in the Price of Beer

Dear God,

That Clay Aiken thing yesterday didn't do much for you, huh?

It wasn't enough to really get under your skin, to truly disturb you, I suppose?

Well, that's it. I'm through playing around.

I mean, I've given you Nickelback-- nothing. I've given you the Republicans controlling all three branches of government-- zippo. I took away Peter Tomarken yesterday, and you barely noticed!

Suffice it to say, I'm a bit peeved.

In that spirit, then, here is my latest flaming bag of shit, delivered to your doorstep. I would suggest that if anyone you know (and I guess that means everyone-- hah!) shows any interest in actually seeing this, you arrange for them to be shot in the face.

Just my two cents, though.



Sincerely,

Satan

***

Speaking of movies and of the devil (and this is David talking now, not Satan), I saw one of the best movies I've seen in years last night: Downfall. It's about the final days of Adolf Hitler's life, when he and the remaining Nazi leadership were reduced to commanding Germany from an underground bunker.

As you might imagine, much of it is horrifying... but more to the point, it's completely engrossing. From the first time you see (the actor portraying) Hitler walk in front of the camera, how delusional he was at that stage... you're hooked. It is an incredible performance, and, assuming you have a high tolerance for the subject matter, it is beyond fascinating.

Downfall won the best foreign film Oscar a year or two ago, if I'm not mistaken. Now that I've seen it, I'm shocked it didn't get nominated for Best Picture.

***

How does one reconcile this picture with "hug it out, bitch"?



***

I recently directed a few of you to the excellent Rolling Stone profile of Scientology... well, the religion made headlines again this morning.

Our beloved Chef will be no more for this earth.

Noted Scientologist Isaac Hayes has left the show, complaining that South Park's treatment of religions (i.e., Scientology, in the "Trapped in the Closet"" episode, in particular) is inappropriate.

If you read the article and the quotes by Matt Stone... it's easy to see what happened here.

As the great prophet/Thetan Hulk Hogan once said, "whatchagonnado???"

***

Ah, let's brighten the mood, and end on a positive note, shall we?

***

Did Peter find a carton of Parliaments and a Colecovision in his stomach the other night, or did I dream that?

And were there nods to Mr. Mxyzptlk, Wheel of Fortune, the Great Space Coaster and Better off Dead, all before the first commercial? Or was that just me, too?

***

morrissey - life is a pigsty
ride - not fazed
mclusky - to hell with good intentions
irving - jen, nothing matters to me
arctic monkeys - a certain romance

Monday, March 13, 2006

Sacrilege

This just might make you question your faith in God.

Water Cooler Talk

So much water cooler-worthy stuff to talk about this morning... which is why I'm going to start in with the biggest topic... my car.

Here's a hint for all of you: NEVER BUY A VOLKSWAGEN. EVER.

The check engine light on my 1947 Jetta came on for the gazillionth time this morning, so I took it in to the dealership. They said it would be a few hours before they'd be able to get to it.

Anyway, I got a shuttle ride home from one Mr. Rafael Lopez, who suggested I ask for him when the car is ready, as he'd be happy to bring me back to the dealership. Very nice guy... but all I could think of when he told me his name was this:



I am an awful person.

***

The brackets came out last night, and... I picked nothing out of the ordinary. Which makes me feel lame.



My final four is Texas, UCLA, Connecticut and Villanova. That's two #1 seeds and two #2 seeds, if you're counting.

How boring is that?

More shocking (well, not really shocking) is that I've picked 'Nova to win it all. I am banking on Ray coming back at 100% (or close enough) and lifting the team through.

***

Reports on WIP this morning suggest that Temple's John Chaney is retiring, with a press conference taking place this morning at 11am.



He's fallen out of favor in the eyes of many over the past few years, both by his actions and the performance of his teams... and so it might not be such a bad thing for him to step aside sooner rather than later.

More intriguing? Al Morganti suggesting that Dawn Staley be considered for the head coaching position, as his replacement.

***

The Redskins are signing every player under the sun.

The Giants have been active, as well.

The stinkin' Cowboys are eyeing Satan's wideout, Terrell Owens.

And the Eagles have signed one (count 'em, one) geriatric linebacker.

This does NOT bode well for the 2006 season. What are they waiting for, exactly?

***

Looking for a new favorite band?

***

Abby found a place yesterday. She'll be in Rosslyn, on the 17th floor of some high-rise. I thought that was exactly what she didn't want... but whatever. Glad she found a place, so she can get on with other things.

***

Flavor of Love apparently wrapped up last night. I say "apparently," because I didn't watch it.



So I don't know who "won," and I don't care to know. Although I have to admit... I am curious to know whether it was the upstanding lady who took a loogie to the face in last week's episode.

Anyway, the reason I mention this is that I just discovered the official Flavor of Love soundboard.

Make sure you use the pulldown menu to find all of the gems here.

You didn't want to have a productive day at work anyway, right?

***

How 'bout that Sopranos episode, huh? Was I right?



Fuckin' old people. Can't be trusted. ;)

Sunday, March 12, 2006

Spoiler Alert

6pm EST, Sunday night: I read a spoiler-laden summary of tonight's Sopranos premiere.

Why? Because I'm not into the show-- I've never had HBO. So I figured, "what could it hurt?"

All I can say is... wow.

I can't wait to hear everyone's reactions tomorrow morning.

Saturday, March 11, 2006

Thank God

After a nice night out with Teso, I returned home to hear something on ESPN that made my stomach drop.

I won't get into it; you can search for stories on last night's Villanova game if you really care to know, or if you're not already aware of what happened. Let's just say that there was an injury during the game that was apparently so gruesome that ESPN elected not to show it on Sportscenter. They did, however, describe what happened in a completely horrifying fashion, which left me nauseated.

Thankfully, the Villanova coach got a call from the hospital soon after the game had ended, letting him know that not only was his player going to be completely OK, but that he'd likely be well enough to play in the tournament next week.

The way this injury was described would have made Clint Malarchuk blanch. Thankfully, it seems that everything is going to be okay.

***

That news alone-- that the player is going to be OK-- made my day when I heard it earlier this morning.

The weather has made my day, as well. Though I've been spending a good bit of the day indoors, getting some odds and ends done, I've got all the windows open. It's gorgeous out, and I had a great walk a few hours ago.

***

Is it OK, if you're against the death penalty, to still give a silent "good riddance" upon hearing the news of Slobodan Milosevic's passing?

Just wondering.

***

I don't know how, but the Eagles apparently lost their sure thing.

That is not a good way to open free agency.

***

Not much else to (ask or) report. Things have been slow-- and the job I'd expected to be starting on Monday hasn't quite materialized as of yet.

But you know what? It'll start when it starts. As antsy as I am in some respects to get on with things... I've got plenty to keep me busy in the interim.



The rumored Las Vegas trip, for instance...

Friday, March 10, 2006

"Graffiti is a Beautiful Crime"

Still no word on the job front.

On the house front, though? The home inspection went well, thankfully-- though we were told that we have an unusually filthy chimney.

Read into that what you will.

***

Some of you will have already seen/heard this, but a new video has surfaced for a great cover of Radiohead's "Just."

It even features some work by Banksy.

***

Noooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!

***

Sometimes, you find things online that are simply genius (turn down the volume, though, if you're at work).

Other times, you find things that are just enjoyable.

Either way, good times.

Thursday, March 09, 2006

The New York Spanish Announcers' Table



Witness... the exact trajectory of the Sports Guy's latest mailbag.

I know that I don't need to link to Simmons' column every single time out... I know... but the "middle" series of entries in this week's episode are downright astounding.

Bob Pfeiffer's blurb, in particular, is a thing of beauty.

Damned Prop Comics

First Yanni, now this.

Is Carrot Top running the AP wire, now? What the hell else could explain these two events happening in such quick succession?

***

Hard to see what's written on the blackboard unless you click on the thumbnail and enlarge it, but trust me: when Radiohead put this picture up on their site earlier this week, a lot of nerds went out of their minds.

Or that's what I'm guessing, anyway.



And this? This was nice to see, too. Thought that this band would be left on the cutting room floor, but I guess Jarvis proved too photogenic.

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Gone Fishin'


***

Not dead-on, but close enough. Give me a break.

***

Anyway, I'll be out of the house and away from my beloved computer tomorrow morning, from about 9am 'til noon. Our buyer (otherwise known as "the most amazing person in the entire world") is coming by for the home inspection.

Already.

Which means that someone seems to be pretty excited about this place, or so sayeth our realtor, anyway. Let's hope the inspection doesn't turn up any of the dead bodies littered around the grounds.


***

To continue the "good news" theme... I already found a place to live!

Already.

And... AND... I found out late this afternoon that my application has already been approved!!!

I am pleased to announce that I will be living in the city of...



Clarendon!



I'll be moving into Courtland Park Apartments on April 8. Very, very excited.

***

Last note of interest (to me):

Just as Rolling Stone and Spin and Alternative Press (arguably) were once the must-reads for music dorks, Filter is today. Or, at least, it's a leading contender, along with Magnet (the magazine, not the band) and a handful of others.

Look who they mention first-- FIRST!!!-- in their links section!

Scroll down to "Friends of Filter," fool.

WHACK!!!

Good News, Good News

We got an offer on the house.

Signed the contract this morning.

So, so, so very relieved.

***

What this means is that things are about to get even busier. Finalizing the house arrangements, apartment searching going into overdrive, lawyer nonsense with the signing of the settlement agreement leading to depositions and/or court appearances (all formalities, mind you), finishing off unfinished tax business, job stuff... where does it all end?!?

Anyway. We're better this morning than we were last night.

***

Shorthand today:

Cool links 1, 2 and 3.

***

New Pearl Jam single came out, and can be found for free on the official site (and just about everywhere else, for that matter). It's pretty great, as is the size of the buzz... which is saying that this album is their best since Vs.

Even if I'm the only one who's continued to wear flannel since 1992... I don't care. Pearl Jam has continued to be one of the best bands around, even if people say they fell off the map long ago.

Those people are wrong. I'd trade 50 indie bands for 1 Pearl Jam, anywhere, any time.

***

Continuing the recent fascination with Prince...

***

And Jon Stewart... ouch.

***

Sure-- that article was touugh to get through. But not as tough as this.

Fans of arguably the greatest band of the 70s and 80s... set your faces to "stunned."

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Greatest Find Ever

If this is old, don't tell me.

And don't spoil this for anyone else. All I'll say is it is a movie that runs one minute long, and will have you grinning like an idiot.

You're My Favorite Thing... Bar NOTHING!!!

God Bless The Big Takeover. In addition to being an always, always, always-great read, their last issue included a free coupon for 50 (count 'em, fitty) free songs at eMusic.com.

So, if you want to know what I did yesterday (with some of my time, anyway)... I got, yes, even more music. Some of these albums I owned and somehow misplaced, some I simply missed the first time around. All are terrific:

the replacements - let it be
charlotte hatherley - grey will fade
marah - kids in philly
the polyphonic spree - the beginning stages of...
bob mould - body of song

***

Thanks to Jed for pointing out that Magnet linked to my Harmonium review on his official site.

Very cool.

***

Despite the mixed reaction that the show got in today's Washington Post, you can bet I'll be listening to this at some point today.

If the New Pornographers sound different, by the way... it's because Neko and Dan aren't on tour with 'em. It's Carl and a bunch of replacements, if you want to look at it that way.

Scroll all the way down to see the setlists.

***

Teso, you were so right about these socks.

***

Sad news about Kirby... but I think this write-up is more than appropriate. It captures a lot of what I've been thinking about over the past few days, for better or worse.

This news strikes me as more depressing. Not to compare the two.

***

Thanks to Between Thought and Expression for linking to this commercial the Rolling Stones did for Rice Krispies.

The shit you find online, huh?

***

Speaking of... nooooooooooooo!!!

***

Oh... and Steph? Even though I wasn't able to find what I was looking for last night... that doesn't mean that I forgot about you.

Monday, March 06, 2006

Oscar Recap

Before the show started last night, I saw this.

No joke here... I just wanted to point out that the apocalypse is upon us.

***

Latest festival I want to attend: Day 2 of the O2 Wireless Festival in the UK.

The Who (Live at Leeds again, geddit?)
The Flaming Lips
Super Furry Animals
eels

And probably more bands to come. Sweet Jesus. It's Sunday, June 25th if anyone wants to come with.

***

Here's the teaser for Rocky Balboa. It shows less than nothing... but you might be curious.

***

And one last thing... here's the Natalie Portman clip from Saturday Night Live that everyone is allegedly talking about. Not as good as "Lazy Sunday," but what are you going to do?

***

Unlike Tom Shales and his absolutely brutal column in this morning's Washington Post, I thought last night's show was fairly enjoyable. Stewart was, as predicted, a bit rough around the edges... but going from liberal and edgy to Leno-safe is a hard thing to do. I hardly thought he was terrible.

***

Now we know why they put those hedges there... to run interference.



Hey! Hey you! Get your hand off of Stacy Hamilton's chest!!!

***

Best of last night?

*** Three 6 Mafia's win and celebration (in spite of a horrendous performance), followed by Stewart's thoughts on a "dreidel-off" that would have to take place between the group and Yitzhak Perlman.

*** Stephen Colbert's "best actress" and "sound editing" commercials. Cribbed from The Daily Show and elsewhere, sure, but these were obviously the funniest bits of the night. I will likely have these clips available by the end of the morning.

*** Wallace and Gromit's big win. Of course.

*** 60-year old Dolly Parton absolutely nailing her song from Transamerica, and getting a bunch of hippie liberal scum to shout "amens" and "hallelujahs." Undeniably a great performance.

*** George Clooney, still the coolest man on the planet. Before falling asleep, I saw him at the press conference afterwards, and the man... he just owns.

*** Ben Stiller, literally going balls-out in his green unitard, demonstrating Best Visual Effects or something. Ben is much more tolerable when he's delivering the jokes, rather than being the straight man...

*** Stewart noting that, "for those keeping track, that's Martin Scorsese-- zero Oscars, and Three 6 Mafia-- one."

*** Lily Tomlin and Meryl Streep. If you saw it, then you know.

*** Jack Nicholson and Dustin Hoffman doing what they do, towards the end of the night.

*** The legitimately loud reaction to Crash being named Best Picture. All the screen shots of humorless Heath Ledger (and Joaquin Phoenix, for that matter) throughout the evening made me mildly pleased that Brokeback lost.


Worst of last night?

*** Music playing behind every acceptance speech. Annoying and distracting.

*** Clips, clips, clips, clips, clips. And a marquee-sized mistake.



*** Lauren Bacall struggling through her speech. Whether she was simply having a hard time reading the teleprompter or whether it was something else... it was borderline heartbreaking to watch.

*** Jennifer Garner nearly tripping. Why couldn't this have happened? Would it have been too much to ask for? ;)

*** The stupid fucking penguins beating out Murderball, and then the stupid Euros bringing their stupid stuffed penguins on stage with them. The English-speaking world groaned.



*** Crash winning Best Picture. Regardless of what I said above, the movie itself was nothing more than a 7/10. Meh.


***

Anyone see this on Sportscenter this morning?

A cheerleader fell from the top of a pyramid, and had to be immobilized and taken off the court, for precautionary measures. It was one of those scary, horrifying moments... and then she starts waving, to let the crowd know she's all right... then she starts doing cheers, while prone, from mid-court until she's in the locker room.

Very, very cool to see. Presumably she's OK this morning.

Sunday, March 05, 2006

Oscar Predictions

1) On the red carpet tonight, every stupid commentator from E! and ABC and what-have-you will be falling all over themselves to compliment Sarah Jessica Parker on how stunning (and/or radiant) she looks.

Whether they are actually watching the ceremony or not, every man in America will simultaneously say out loud, "I don't get her at ALL."

Or scream out "yeeeeeeeccccccccchhhhh!"

Or, get a sudden and inexplicable case of the dry heaves.

Neigh.




2) On the contrary, once Scarlett Johannsen makes her first appearance, at least fourteen gentlemen across the country will spontaneously combust.

Unless, of course, big 'ol Isaac Mizrahi is in the camera frame, touchin' on her boobs again. In that case, far more men will die.




3) Jon Stewart will probably swing back and forth between stilted and funny, but the surefire best moment will be a previously-taped exchange with Stephen Colbert, where Colbert wags his finger at all in attendance (and, perhaps, launches an all-out assault against any bears that might be in the audience).

This exchange will immediately make everyone in the audience ask themselves "hey-- why didn't we get THAT guy to host"?




4) In spite of his sure-to-be-outstanding performance in Failure to Launch, Terry Bradshaw will not hear his name on this or any other Oscar evening.

5) After the seventh joke is made about how long the evening is running, I will pull out a gun and shoot out my television screen.

6) Somewhere around minute 16 of the telecast, I will begin to flip around, changing channels like I'm getting paid to do so.

I will invariably spend a great deal of time on Univision, thinking to myself "hey! I think they just said the word for 'playground'"!

And even though I will swear not to return to the sure-to-be-boring ceremony, I will... of course. Multiple times.

7) Unfortunately, I will likely miss the performance of "It's Hard Out Here for a Pimp," but because it's not going to be performed by Terrence Howard, it won't matter all that much.

8) Whether it's a new episode, a repeat, or not on at all, Family Guy will be far more enjoyable than the Oscar ceremony.

Especially if there's a "doody" joke. Those totally crack me up.



9) The over/under on Stewart pulling on his collar after a joke bombs, and making a Johnny Carson-like "mmmmmOOKaaaay"!!! sound? 17.

10) Here are your winners:

Picture: Brokeback Mountain
Actor: Hoffman
Actress: Witherspoon
Supporting Actor: Clooney
Supporting Actress: Weisz
Director: Lee

Syriana, Good Night... and Munich get the screws, for the most part.

Middle America freaks out for a day, fears that the Gay Cowboy Apocalypse is nigh, then forgets about the whole thing by Tuesday.

Know why?

'Cuz it's NASCAR season, bitches!!!

Friday, March 03, 2006

Hey, Nice Marmot!

Have you seen this movie recently?



I think it's probably been too long since you have.

Spanning the Globe

Though I got a few comments about yesterday's post, none seem to have shown up in the desginated comments section. Weird... I wonder if it's a problem with Blogger?

Maybe, though, it's a problem... with YOU???



Anyway, at the request of one person in particular, I'll return to the land of the stupid.

It's where I'm most at home, anyway.

***

Yes, my week at Harmonium comes to an end today, but don't feel sad. Check out this unbelievable review (which includes a link to an even better one) of ex-Creed emoter and Jesus Christ poseur Scott Stapp's appearance at the 9:30 Club. It's pretty damned hysterical.

Bill Simmons-like comedy. Don't take this link for granted.

***

If this tour comes through Washington, you can consider me there. I don't care how many of the four show up-- just like it doesn't matter (though this point is debatable) whether you see CSN&Y; Stills and Nash; Crosby, Nash & Young; or some other grouping, it's guaranteed to be a great, great show.

Imagine the opportunity to hear Patton shout "APPLES!!!" live, guys! it would be amazing, no?

God forbid Zach shows up, though. My head would absolutely explode.

***

Speaking of tours, I heart Belle & Sebastian.

And I heart NPR, for simulcasting the March 6 B&S/New Pornographers show that I'm going to be missing. Bless you, NPR, and extra-special thanks for the Clap Your Hands Say Yeah simulcast that will be coming up on March 8.

Good times.

***

Generally, me and NASCAR get along as well as Bill and Hillary, but Will Ferrell can make just about anything funny.

And look who's in the trailer with him! Whaaaaaaaaaaammmmy!!!



By the way... the over/under on cameos in this movie is 36.

***

This is very sad, but not very surprising.

Let's wash that story away with a bit of fun, courtesy of Holly.

***

ROAD TRIP!!!

***

Finally, and coming straight off of that link, comes this.

Look. I know that, despite your best intentions, you're not going to see Brokeback Mountain. Not before you've made your ten-thousandth joke about it, anyway.

That said, I also know that you're curious about the movie, what with the Oscars (and your Oscar parties) coming up this weekend...

To that end, consider me your problem solver. Brokeback Mountain in 30 seconds, re-enacted by bunnies.

***

secret machines - alone, jealous & stoned
liam lynch - the critics are smarter
stars - theme from the stars
xtc - too many cooks in the kitchen
julie delpy - a waltz for a night