Saturday, September 30, 2006

If You Buy Only One Album This Holiday Season... Make It:

Quickie

For those amongst you who should recognize Yom Kippur, who should be fasting this weekend, but simply don't have the time (or concern)... may I recommend you call 1-888-OOPS-JEW?

Atone, sinners.

Shorthand

I've got good news to share with you, though I'd rather tell you about it than write about it.

So... give me a ring, will you, please?

***

Top 5 Recent "Fill in the Gaps in My Collection" CDs:

1. Harvey Danger - King James Version
2. Slint - Spiderland
3. Nada Surf - Let Go
4. Ben Folds - Rockin' the Suburbs
5. Beach Boys - Pet Sounds


Top 5 Announcers on WIP:

1. Glen Macnow
2. Anthony Gargano
3. Rhea Hughes
4. Al Morganti
5. Don McKee


Top 5 Most Irritating NFL Personalities:

1. Terrell Owens
1a. Deion Sanders
3. Michael Irvin
4. Tony Siragusa
5. Shannon Sharpe


Top 5 Netflix Movies, in Recent Months:

1. Brick
2. Cache
3. Ghost Dog: The Way of the Samurai
4. Tristram Shandy: A Cock and Bull Story
5. Match Point


Top 5 Eagles Players of My Lifetime:

1. Reggie White
2. Donovan McNabb
3. Brian Dawkins
4. Randall Cunningham
5. Seth Joyner


Top 5 Comedies, Like, Ever

1. The Larry Sanders Show
2. Arrested Development
3. The Office (UK)
4. Fawlty Towers
5. The Young Ones

***

Just taking it easy today. Not thinking too hard about anything... just relaxing.

Friday, September 29, 2006

For the Foreseeable Future

This is the best restaurant of all time.

Thank you, Paul.

Thank you, Caleb.

***

And oh, yeah... thank you, too, Scarlett.


Just for being you.

***

It's called gratitude, and that's right.

The Approaching Autumnal Equinox

Summer is almost behind us.

Today's her final day at LEGALSOURCE.

Which basically means that the office, my life, your life... it's all about to come crashing down. For without Summer, we're all going to be lost.

LOST!!!

***

Okay. I'm calm, now.

So... she's just moving a few blocks away. She's not leaving the city. But it certainly seems like the end of an era, even for a schlemiel like me who's only known her for a few months. The rest of these guys-- my co-workers-- I think that a little part of them might be dying.

So, please, if you run into them... buy them a beer. Or, at least, recommend them the best office administratrix you can.

Ah, well.

Best of luck, dear. You're going to kill it.

Whereas we're just gonna die. ;)

***

Yet another reason that the Bush Administration sucks: they refused to see Borat yesterday, when he showed up at their front door.

Click here for one of the most ridiculous stories CNN has published in a long time, if not ever.

***

Hey, Jill... did you see this?

You'll know what I'm talking about.

***

Not much else to say.

Things are well.

May the Lord bless you and keep you, as always.

Thursday, September 28, 2006

Odds and Sods

A quick note.

Apart from you-- my, um, "regular readers"-- having this site bookmarked, do you know how other people (in New Zealand, in Canada, in Singapore, etc.) are finding this site?

The most popular Google searches that result in Moebius Trip popping up?

3) Stewie [from Family Guy, of course]
2) "Gimme Back My Son!"
1) NFL Replay song

God bless the Internet.

Anyway, I just thought that you'd be interested in knowing how people get here. I'm amazed that these searches keep turning up.

And now the NFL Replay song is in my head again.

***

This is not how I'll choose to remember Blur, years from now.

Rather, I'll think of all of the moments in 1994 (such as this one), just like every other fan.

***

A bit more quantity than quality this time out, but a Bill Simmons chat is still a Bill Simmons chat.

And that certainly beats an underwhelming Bill Simmons appearance on the Colbert Report.

***

To cleanse the palate, how's about a completely classic Daily Show bit, where Stewart and Colbert both lose their shit?

***

And now, for your final link...

You know what?

I'm not providing it.

I can't, in good conscience.

No way.

Just know that, um, Screech from Saved By the Bell... he's releasing a sex tape.

And it only gets worse from there. If you want to look it up... YOU do it. I can't and won't be held responsible for what you find. I read the story, and was immediately upset that I'd done so.

Needless to say, I will not be seeking out the video.

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Your Thought for the Evening

There is surely nothing other than the single purpose of the present moment. A man's whole life is a succession of moment after moment. If one fully understands the present moment, there will be nothing else to do, and nothing else to pursue. Live being true to the single purpose of the moment.

Everyone lets the present moment slip by, then looks for it as though he thought it were somewhere else. No one seems to have noticed this fact. But grasping this firmly, one must pile experience upon experience. And once one has come to this understanding he will be a different person from that point on, though he may not always bear it in mind.

When one understands this settling into single-mindedness well, his affairs will thin out.

See His Pug Nose Face


This morning is marked, as much as anything else, by what may be the final installment, ever, of "The Ricky Gervais Show."

This makes me sad, even if I never, ever, referred to Ricky Gervais as "The Podfather," as is suggested by the above-linked article.

Anyway, as you know, the show is damned near the funniest thing I've ever heard... and it will be missed. I'll keep my fingers crossed for a season four, or a Christmas Special, or a Microsoft-sponsored installment, or something... but in the meantime, let me give you something else, Gervais-related.

It's not airing in the US just yet, but season 2 of Extras has started in the UK. Last week's episode featured David Bowie, and what happens in this clip... it's just beyond fantastic. Possibly the greatest thing Gervais has written to date. I implore you to take three minutes out of your day and watch.

***


A few years past the last time you cared, I'd guess... but who wants to see every episode of The Simpsons that's ever been aired?

***

Thank you, GQ, for pointing out the best best Chris Berman story in history.

Whether it's true or not, it's all sorts of hysterical. And as I pointed out to a co-worker yesterday, it's much funnier than Stuart Scott's eye injury (you can check that out on wikipedia yourself... I don't have the heart to link to someone else's misfortune, even if it is Stuart Scott's).

***


As a huge fan of the (old era) of The Boondocks, I don't know how to feel about this, though if means more cartoon eps are coming... I suppose that'll do.

***

Maybe I should start keeping my opinions to myself. Just in case.

***

Completely missed this... I would have celebrated, had I known.

***


We are mere moments from Bill O'Reilly declaring a "war on
teddy bears." Just thought you should know that teddy bears are under attack from the far left, liberal-wing nutjob crazies.

Or so you'll hear.

The truth... is far more sinister.

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

A Modest Proposal

Forgive me for being oblique, here.

***

Someone I know is going through a particularly tough time right now. The who and the what... those things aren't relevant to the point I want to make, so you'll forgive me if I don't explain any further.

Needless to say, it's a situation where I want to help, to do whatever I can... and unfortunately, my options are a bit limited, now, for any of a number of reasons.

That happens, sometimes. It can be difficult to lend a meaningful hand, despite the best of intentions.

So, instead, and if you wouldn't mind... I'd just like you to take a few moments out of your day, today, to either think some positive thoughts my friend's way, or better still, I'd like for you to do something nice for a friend of yours. Any friend will do.

It does not have to be me, mind. ;)

But it can be anything. Really. Let them know how you are. Ask how they're doing. Suggest a night out.

Or make a donation to charity.

It really doesn't matter. Just... if you don't believe in karma, then pretend that you do, for one day, and pass some positive thoughts our way.

Thanks.

Monday, September 25, 2006

Renewal

First of all, please click here and read my latest review for Harmonium: a few paragraphs on the Decemberists' wonderful new album, The Crane Wife.

I actually tried to do something a bit different with this writeup, somewhat in the spirit of the band's character and overarching traits, if you will... and so I'd appreciate your cheers and/or jeers, pots and/or pans, thumbs up and/or thumbs down.

I just want to know if it was worth the effort, I guess.

Feel free to click here for an archive of my reviews, if you simply can't get enough.

Which would be perfectly understandable, given my near-bottomless talents. ;)

***

New Year, new workout regimen. You don't need to know the deets (!), just know that I'm gonna try to get back into things.

There's no reason not to.

***

The Iggles whooped up on the Niners yesterday, as they should have. The game wasn't televised locally, and I was with Teso yesterday afternoon, so I couldn't follow online or anything... but apparently it played out properly.


No injuries, I don't think.

So, between that and the Giants' loss (and this jabrone's post-game comments)... things are a good bit better than they were a week ago.

I even purchased an Eagles throw (60x80, not one of those 50x60 jobs) to celebrate.

See what happens when there's no Entourage to watch? I buy things!

Come back soon, Ari.

***

As promised, a pic from the other night of Ilise and my unbelievably fat face. If you were to see pics of Ilise and I in high school... they look markedly different, let's say.



***

Nothing else going on today. The weekend was relaxing, when it wasn't busy.

One final link before I go: Hugo Chavez May Have Anger Management Issues.

Sunday, September 24, 2006

Quick Music Post

As we approach the 3/4 mark of the year, I decided to take a gander at what my Top 10 albums list might look like by year's end.

And it is astonishing who, as of now, is in danger of NOT making the cut. I love all of these albums, but as things stand... they're on the outside, looking in.

In alphabetical order, then, my list of also-rans:

Band of Horses
Beirut
Birdmonster
Cold War Kids
Devotchka
Division Day
Final Fantasy
Flaming Lips
Gnarls Barkley
Jenny Lewis with the Watson Twins
Lupe Fiasco
Midlake
Morrissey
Mountain Goats
Neko Case
Pearl Jam
Pipettes
Raconteurs
Sufjan Stevens
Twilight Singers

Beck, Dylan, the Hold Steady, a few others... I haven't heard their albums yet. Same with some of the more notable omissions from the list above... unless they're already slotted between 1 and 10, of course.

But I can tell you it's gonna be really difficult to break into my Top 10.

Take that, Zimmy!

***

harvey danger - elvis, i don't love you anymore
radiohead - like spinning plates (live)
cake - mahna mahna (sesame street cover)
ghostland observatory - midnight voyage
beach boys - wouldn't it be nice

Om

It is Sunday morning, and I just woke from one of the better sleeps I've had in months. I'm feeling relaxed, calm, and happy that yesterday was as productive a day as it was.

But it was passively productive, as opposed to too-much-on-my-plate, this-all-needed-to-get-done-last-week, which is how things have been, as of late. Maybe I should read this?


Productivity is next to godliness, or something... right? What was it that Billy Corgan said?

Oh, nevermind.

***

Yesterday's Rosh Hashanah service turned out to be a very good thing, after seeming to be a rather bad idea beforehand.

In other words... story of my life.

See, as I mentioned to Theresa the other night... things tend to follow a pattern for me.

No matter what the shape or size, no matter who they involve, or anything else-- I ALWAYS dread events in advance. Get-togethers, fetes, parties, weddings, trips, everything... they always make me miserable. Beforehand, that is.

Maybe it's the expectation that I have trouble with. The waiting being the hardest part, and all that.

Or perhaps it's the planning. Who knows.

Regardless, once I get there-- to any of the above-mentioned functions-- I end up loving everything and everyone.

This will happen at my own wedding, guaranteed. I will want out beforehand (having nothing to do with my bride, God willing), I'll want to fake an illness, I'll complain of having too much to do... and then I'll end up going, and I'll have a complete and total blast.

In other words, if you hear me complaining-- just slap me, and tell me to quit my bitching.

***

Which brings me back to the service. It was not at my "new" liberal synagogue in Falls Church, but rather at a/the historic synagogue at 6th and I in downtown DC. It was advertised as a service for those professionals, age 21-35, without their own congregation (or tickets to High Holiday services).

And so I went. Not, for once, looking to meet women. It being High Holidays and all.

But upon arriving, I realized that it was a traditional ceremony. Men sitting on one side of the room, women on the other. Men davening, singing, praying beforehand. People looking, on the whole, a good bit more godly than I.

Everything was a bit more ramped up... judaically speaking.

But then the service started, and it turned out OK. More than OK, in fact. The rabbi did a wonderful job of leading the service, threw enough personality into the thing to relate to us kids, and 2 1/2 hours actually felt like far, far less.

It was a Rosh Hashanah miracle, I tells ye.

The only distractions? Uncomfortable seats, combined with no personal space (the room was packed with about 150-200 people). This was offset, however, by a guy wearing something similar to this just a few seats in front of me. Chris, you would have been proud.


I would tell you that it was difficult having the women sit on the other side of the room, separated by trees and tallish plants, but that would tarnish the sanctity of the day.

I will say, however, that as I was in a room of 21-35 year-olds, I was far from the only one craning my neck everytime we stood up or sat down.

***

The Kennedy Center thing? The performance of Frankenstein? It didn't work out.


Be sure to ask me why! And why I'm not sad about it... at all.

***

Do yourself a favor and check out the Chimney Sweeps.

Not bad at all.

***

To paraphrase Kyle Leafblower, so worst.

***

Then again, so best. This is a great video of Ben Folds performing "Such Great Heights" live, for Aussie TV, with... well, I won't spoil it. But if you don't watch to the very end, it's your loss.

Love it.

***

Finally, brother, can you spare $1,255.00?

Because if you can... I mean... HOLY SHIT.

Saturday, September 23, 2006

Rosh Hashanah

First off, let me wish all of you a very happy, healthy New Year.

Whether you believe in the Jewish calendar or not, the Jewish tenets or not, the comedic stylings of Jackie Mason or not... please accept my hopes for you, your family and your friends to have a terrific year to come.

And why not accept well-wishes? What, you're too good for them?

You know, your cousin in New York accepts well-wishes, I don't know why you shouldn't... he's such a beautiful boy...

***

I suppose that I should tell you what my goals are for 5767:

1) Accessorize. I know, I know... material things are bad. No, no, they're not. Not when you haven't had a legit second date in almost a month. And I think it might have a little to do with the fact that I'm hardly as blinged out, as I could (and rightfully should) be.

So, I might purchase a new grill or two. God would approve.


2) Harmonize. No, I don't mean anything having to do with singing. I want...

I want...

I want to get into synchronized swimming.

There. Secret's out.


3) Unionize. And by unionize, I mean, of course, the opposite of unionization. I'd like to destroy all unions, and all related workers' rights. As a new member of the establishment, I'd like my goal to be one of corporate dominance. And staff, personnel, employee handbooks and such... these all stand in the way of that unique Sam Walton-y ideal.

So from here on out... greed... is good.



***

Where was I?

***

Oh, you might want to know how last night went. The 80s prom party for Paul. It seemed to be a great success-- Paul didn't know what was coming, and he seemed geniunely thrilled to see so many friends and family there.

Ilise set the whole thing up. She rules.

You should be so lucky to have Ilise in your life.

I had a few prom pictures taken with her, which hopefully will be coming my way shortly. But for the time being, here's a quick shot of me as Jake and/or Elwood Blues, prepping for the evening to come. Not bad, considering I had all of five minutes to throw this on after work before I had to hit the road to Baltimore.


All things considered, it was a very good thing that I didn't go as this guy, as I'd planned to:


This, because most people were not in costume, but rather 80s attire. Lots of vintage prom dresses and teased hair for the women, lots of tacky Members Only-style garb on the gents. If I stood out, it was only slightly, only slightly less than I used to.

(sorry)

By the way, speaking of Halloween, sort of, here's something that's scarrrrry, keeeds!!!

Anyway, sorry about that.

I bailed on the festivities a bit early, as is my wont, as I have services this morning, and was completely sent all day yesterday... so just my luck that upon leaving, I was forced to sit in almost two hours' worth of traffic.

So not fun. I won't even tell you what time I got home.

Just... miserable. Thank God for the iPod.

***

What does it mean when one spends months trying to lose weight, loses a good bit, plateaus, and then starts gaining it back?

Then said person, as a direct result, gives up the program, gets lazy, fails to exercise, eats like shit for the next month, only to weigh themselves one Rosh Hashanah morning to find that he is lighter than he ever was during the weight loss stage?

Happy accidents. Gotta love 'em.

***

This site does not look terribly unlike my own.

The fact that I find this amusing makes me incredibly, impossibly lame.

***

Finally, vintage curse words from David Hasselhoff. Since he is the Hoff, he is permitted to say and do as he pleases. Not unlike this guy.

Friday, September 22, 2006

Words, Words, Words... for You to Put Together Any Way You Want

1) Grey's Anatomy

2) Elwood Blues

3) CEO

4) racquetball

5) Rosh Hashanah

6) Frankenstein

7) exhaustion

8) jaundice

9) chipmunk

10) repeating myself, over and over and over again

11) Molly

12) Eagles

13) Joanna Newsom, still, still, still

14) Aggies

15) not nearly enough hours in the day

16) ice

17) Capitol Hill

18) failure; success

19) Kennedy Center

20) business development

Thursday, September 21, 2006

The Story of My Night

Nothing that I'd intended to happen actually happened.

And then on top of that, I got next to no sleep.

Shit.

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Here's a Truckstop Instead of St. Peter's


You might hate this album.

But if you don't-- and I don't-- Ys (pronounced "eeees,") by Joanna Newsom is your album of the year. Think of Bjork singing ten-minute-plus folk epics over a harp, and... see?!? I've already lost you!

But trust me. Please, trust me. You'll hear nothing else like it, anywhere, and it completely destroys everything else I've heard all year.

It, in fact, caused me to shake the other day. Honest to God, it gave me a physical reaction. Which, as much as I love music, has never, EVER happened before.

You're not going to listen to it.

I know.

But it's your loss.

Strong, strong candidate for album of the year. If you don't believe me, check out the chart, a few posts down.

***

After a particularly flustering afternoon at work, I inadvertently ran into Benton again, converging at the local Five Guys. Good seeing him again, of course, but my brain was absolutely fried. Too much going on at work and at home. Which is to say... I'm going to be hard to reach until Sunday, so... email is best.

More frustrating than that, however-- I did the Patton Oswalt thing again.

After Five Guys, I took Mike to the shop, to pick up my outfit for Friday night's ohsosecret party, and what happens? The store was closed. It is one of those places where it's open until 7pm some nights, and 9pm on others.


I chose... poorly. We showed up at 7:45 on the wrong night. Doors closed, lights off, me... annoyed.

Thank goodness Mike laughed about the whole thing.

***

The Eagles loss still stings. Don't talk to me about it.

***

Much better, then, is this: the first of the three songs that the temporarily re-united R.E.M. played at the Georgia Music Hall of Fame ceremony the other night.


If you're anything like me, you'll get a little rush watching their performance of "Begin the Begin," with more-than-able assistance from drummer/farmer Bill Berry.

Aw, hell. Here's "Man on the Moon." And "Losing My Religion," too.

Still my favorite band ever, probably. A performance like this might explain why. Jesus, how great.

(edit): Michelle, this is for you. I cannot believe that video of this exists. How many times did we listen to this bootleg over the years?

***

Things are a bit of a whirlwind right now, but in a relatively good way. Work is starting to scare me-- Summer's imminent departure is rocking the waters a good bit-- but everything's gonna be fine. It's just the short-term, developing the solutions, figuring out where we're going to have to change and adapt, and...

I'm rambling.

But then, you knew that.

And I'm entitled, anyway.

***

Welcome back, Peter.

***

Whoa.

***

This, of course, merits its own post... but as it is ten minutes long (however well-done)... I'll just tuck it down here.

If any of this is new to you, let me know, and I shall yell at you unnecessarily, and force you to watch the video, over and over again.

YOU MUST LEARN.

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

The Hardest Benton to Benton

See, Mike Benton is on my couch right now, asleep.

And Bart Simpson ran into the White Stripes this past week, while playing "The Hardest Button to Button."

Geddit?

***

Nevermind.

***


OK, that's just awful.

***

Maybe this will make you feel better?



***

Two bombshells dropped yesterday.

One is that Summer gave her two-week notice yesterday. The best worker we've got, and pretty much our company's longest-tenured employee, gone, just like that.

In two weeks, anyway.

The mood in the office, yesterday, was one of utter depression and fear. And a lot of head-shaking, and "Goddammit"-style muttering.

It's going to suck without her. Even if we find a solid replacement... it's just going to suck without her.

Congratulations on the new job and all, but... BOOOOOOO!

***


The other, er, bombshell, is that Mike arrived safe and sound. And after showing up at my place, we reconnoitered with the old trivia team of Dan, Jay and... um... some other guy whose name I forget.

It was a blast, save for having to get up to take calls and text message. No worries; the guys gave me an appropriately shit-ass time for doing so.

Anyway, just about every time we go out (through no doing of mine, mind), we place in the money. And last night was no different, as we tied for first amongst 25-30 teams at the bar.

Sounds great, huh? We kicked some ass, right?

Wrong. We lost first place (the difference between a $100 gift certificate and a $50 gift certifcate) on a tiebreak that was... um... more in Mike's wheelhouse than Britpop is in mine. Something relating to his current job. Something relating to f'g national security.

See, Mike is in charge of something, down in the D.R.

God only knows how that happened.

And yet, when asked a question about said "something," Mike completely whiffed. Came close to guessing the correct number, but not close enough. And this... is an important number. Something he definitely should know.

We are all gonna die, in other words.

Or, at least, the inhabitants of the Dominican Republic will.

But let's hope not. Mike only has two months to go before... er... the risk will have been averted. He'll be gone, the citizens will celebrate, and it will be Copenhagen that needs to worry.

Way to go, Benton.

***

Our team name? "Somali Nuns and Anna Nicole's Sons." Not quite as perfectly offensive as we were hoping for, but close enough, I suppose.

We'll do better, next time.

Sunday, September 17, 2006

Shawty

Just a quick one, as I'm (mentally) away.

1) My parents left this morning, and I think we all enjoyed one another's company. They were beyond essential in allowing me to heal... with the aid of lots and lots of college football. That, and an ice pack, which I think you can still see in one of the pictures below.

2) I'm feeling great, now-- I'm even off the pain meds. Still a little bit of swelling, but the worst is (hopefully) behind me. I'm going back to the dentist's office tomorrow to have some stitches removed, but beyond that... knock on wood... this might be over and done with.

3) The Eagles tore my heart out today. That is all.

4) I suddenly have a completely full schedule this week-- I'm pretty much booked solid-- thanks to the arrival of Mr. Mike Benton, in from the Dominican Republic. Anyone who wants to say hello to Mike, let me know, and I'll connect you.

5) If you're only moderately excited about Mike this week, no worries... he'll be here from November through August, before he ships off to Copenhagen with Marie and Peary.

6) Milk was a bad choice.

Friday, September 15, 2006

I Miss You, My Dear Xiola

In summary:

-- No work today.

-- A bit of discomfort from the wisdom teeth removal, but nothing worse.

-- Seeing Mom and Dad again.

All in all, a good day, if... a highly unusual one.

***

I shouldn't be typing while I'm hopped up on goofballs.

God only knows whether this is going to make any sense.

***

I'm not getting anything there (obvs), but I'm about to introduce my parents to Five Guys.

(edit): Two new converts, as expected.

***

Oh, Norm, how dare you?

***

The title of this post, by the way, can be traced to a live Jane's Addiction show I just downloaded (and, more specifically, from the song "Three Days."). It's easy to forget how unbelievable these guys were, sometimes.

So, check out this 1991 show here.

***

This helpful graphic (click to enlarge) is from the always-wonderful Catbirdseat, and it appeared earlier in the week.



Genius... even if there are a few albums missing (what, no Night Ripper?).

And another thing... the TV on the Radio album is way too low. Check this out for evidence.

***

Quasi-reunion news parts one and two... both of which got me quasi-excited.

***

Hmmmm...

***

IN A WORLD...

What I'm Looking Like, More or Less

Four teeth lighter, a whole lot more pathetic.

Thursday, September 14, 2006

The NFL Network

If you have not already invested in this channel... if there's a stock available... you might want to get in on it now, while it's merely exploding.

A few thoughts on where the network stands at the beginning of its coming-out season:


1) Steve Mariucci has trouble with words and letters and words and things... but he's still light years ahead of Ditka. Ditka needs to be put out to pasture. Enough, already. It's been 21 years since you've been relevant.

No, the wedding dress does not count.

2) That NFL Replay thing is a great concept.

3) For leaving Sportscenter (to say nothing of leaving glass-eyed Shtu), Rich Eisen is smarter than you are.

4) Deion Sanders, however... is not smarter than you are.

5) That NFL Replay song is in your head now, isn't it?

6) Clinton Portis is definitely going for an Andre 3000 vibe in the commercial.

7) Jeremy Shockey is still one of the few people walking the face of the earth for whom I'd sell a body part... just for the right to punch him in his fucking pig face.

8) Warren Sapp could not appear on this network anymore if he tried.

9) "On Tuesday (Tuesday!)..."

10) I remember listening to Jamie Dukes on Atlanta radio a few years ago. He made no impression on me then, but he made one me last week: that of an oversized dude wearing a horrendous jacket.

11) This channel, as Andy and others have noted, is pretty much crack. If you are a guy, and you like sports-- sports, meaning football-- you already have a serious, serious habit.

12) I'm thinking that NFL Total Access is in Sportscenter circa-1982 mode. In a few years (if you don't already), you'll wonder how you lived without it... even in the middle of April.

13) I'm troubled by the fact that Chad Johnson, who appears on the network more than anyone but Sapp, apparently filmed all of his commercials before he went all Wesley Snipes in Demolition Man.

14) Bryant Gumbel and Cris Collingsworth being in the same room at the same time? That may have been the most awkward filming in years.

Cris: "So, um, Bryant... I hear you're a dick."

Bryant: (simmering)

Cris: "I mean, COME ON!"

Bryant: (glowering)

(repeat)


15) "NFL REPLAY! ON TUESDAY (TUESDAY)!"

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Last Night's Astonishing Array of Dick Jokes

Before I tell you about that, though (can you contain your excitement???), be sure to check this clip of Tom Jackson and Michael Irvin out... many, many thanks to Jay for passing this along.

It is such a thing of beauty; words can not do it justice.

***


Last night, Jeff and I caught a sold out "Comedians of Comedy" show at the Black Cat. And though we (Jeff) were (was) extraordinarily tired... it was a great time.

Three hours of non-stop larfs. Really a lot of fun, even if sleep-deprived Jeff had to catch an early train this morning.

Please say a prayer for him, today, if you get a chance.



After a brief intro/pre-set by Patton Oswalt, Morgan Murphy started things out. Now, female comedians are usually about as laugh-a-minute as, well, Rita Rudner-- but Ms. Murphy acquitted herself quite nicely. It didn't hurt that Oswalt credited her for writing half of his Shatner roast material.

So we were primed for hilarity!

Her character, if there was one? What type of performer was she? Eh... dry, cynical, vaguely burned-out comedienne... the type of delivery where, even though the jokes were funny, I knew that each one had been said 424 times prior.

And that each additional delivery took a small part of her soul.

Ah, well. For an opener, she was terrif.



I'm not going to lie. I won't say a bad word about Brian Posehn. And it's not because he's hysterical, and I'm an apologist, which he is, and which I am. It's not even because he may (may) have been the most attractive person in the room last night.

It's just that... well, look at him. You say something bad about him, and he may just murder you and eat your soul.

Speaking of, lifelong metalhead Brian noted that he's six-foot-six, or, more precisely, six-foot-six.six, "the height of the beast."

Awesome. We love Mr. Show alums.

Though it wouldn't have been such a horrible thing if he could have gone five seconds without talking about his johnson.



After Brian, the palate cleansing comedy stylings of Eugene Mirman. Now, this was the second time I'd seen Eugene in a few months-- the last time being the Michael Showalter Massacre, where Jeff and I were entreated to hours of The State-alumnus Showalter singing about the ten steps of making the perfect sandwich (I'm not kidding-- this may have been the most wretchedly unfunny thing I'd seen since Triumph of the Will).

Eugene was the highlight of that evening, and here, too, he ruled... his beyond-weird ramblings and recorded solictation calls are awesome. He did end on a lame bit, though, using two members of the audience and a weird "Speak and Spell"-type device called "Share or Dare." I won't even get into it, here, but... hardly the note he should have ended on.

Possibly the funniest person of the night, if not the funniest performance.

That being said... it wouldn't have been such a horrible thing if he could have gone five seconds without talking about his johnson.



After the debacle that was a few weeks ago, when I had tickets to see Patton perform but went to the State Theater on the wrong evening (d'oh!), I was ready for payback. And from the opening Simpsons-drone-reference of "Are You Ready to Laugh...???" I knew things were going to be great.

I'm not going to lie. I'd marry the guy. His CD "Feeling Kinda Patton" is one of my all-time favorite anything, and yet last night? 95% new stuff. And it was just as genius-y. I'd recite chapter and verse, but then I'd be spoiling it for you when his new CD drops in a few months.

Honestly. So good. So very, very good.

Boy howdy, I do love my comedy. And Patton? Patton's my Rushmore.

Though you know what? It wouldn't have been such a horrible thing if he could have gone five seconds without talking about his johnson.

***

Welcome home, Mom and Dad.

And congratulations, Brit-Brit!

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Quasi-Rhetorical Question


Watched the game last night, and I laughed, and laughed, and laughed.

But I did have a question regarding Dan Snyder's newest toys: why, in these pictures, does Katie Holmes seem to be in mourning?

Just wonderin'.

***

Beyond groanworthy.

Monday, September 11, 2006

Sunday, September 10, 2006

Football Heaven

The only thing better than an Eagles win?

An Eagles win, paired with a Cowboys loss. A bad Cowboys loss.

***

On a related note, my word of the day is "schadenfreude."

***

You've heard faux-country/bluegrass Radiohead, classical piano Radiohead, crunk Radiohead, reggae Radiohead... but have you heard lullabye Radiohead?

***

Always, always funny.

First Eagles Post of the Year

And not the last.

My teams should play in Texas more often. First Ohio State crushes the Longhorns last night, and then the Iggles deliver a solid opener against Houston.

I'm beyond pleased with how they played. So much so that T.O. could go for 200 yards today and 3 TDs for Dallas, do all of his asinine celebrations, and I simply wouldn't care. The Eagles looked strong, Correll ran exceptionally well, the lines looked to be much improved over last year, and Donte...

Well, what can you say.

I'm not drinking the green Kool-Aid just yet... but if they beat the Jints next week in Philly, I might have to start.

Very, very satisfying.

It's Like Throwing a Hot Dog to Try to Stop a Tornado

I'm too hung over to write a full entry here-- good night last night, but I got in after 4am-- but I did want you to check this out.

It's Wayne Coyne of the Flaming Lips, delivering a high school graduation speech of sorts to his alma mater. I don't want to say it's the best thing I've ever seen-- far from it-- but it does make me realize that, had our school provided us with a speaker possessing the talents of Mr. Coyne, well, I might have paid more attention to the ceremony.

That said, please remember that this is the guy who brought you (or, is going to bring you, theoretically, around the time of the Chinese Democracy release) Christmas on Mars.

So take it with a grain of salt, a capsule of fake blood, a giant hamster wheel, what-have-you.

***

The geniuses at Apple solved my problem. They suggested I download some software... which I did, and which I was able to use to rip all the music off of my old, defective iPod.

They gave me a new iPod, I threw all the songs on there... it's like nothing ever happened. Catastrophe averted.

***

Eventually, I'll stop telling you how funny Aziz Ansari is, because you'll already know he's the funniest motherfucker on the planet.

***

With the possible exception of me, of course, simply because I'm giving you this video (can't wait to be able to embed these again, by the way).

"No thank you, sir," indeed.

Friday, September 08, 2006

An Eventful Day

1) My iPod died.

You heard me. I was getting ready to go home on the Metro, turned on my iPod, and the screen was a jumble. And the songs wouldn't play. So I turned it off and immediately went to the Apple store, to the Genius bar, and the guy told me the iPod had died, inexplicably. Nothing to do with me.

The iPod being less than nine months old, by the way.

I downloaded a program, at their suggestion, to rip the songs off my old one... and now I'm in the process of (a) storing them (temporarily) on my computer, exchanging my old iPod for a new one (presumably for free), and then re-burning (?) the songs onto the new iPod.

So, I am in the process of resuscitation. Thank goodness the songs themselves weren't lost-- at least it doesn't appear that way. BUT, because I had comparatively little stored on iTunes... I'm going to have to spend days ripping and burning, effectively starting at square one with respect to the CDs I actually own.

Now might be a good time, as Jeff noted, to invest in an external hard drive.

Please, please, please keep your fingers crossed for me. This was always one of my biggest non-family-related nightmares, and now... yeah.

Just keep your fingers crossed for me.


2) I got my new floor lamps delivered from West Elm. They look really, really terrific, if you don't mind my saying.


3) At work, yesterday, I put my foot in my mouth going to bat for someone. Too complicated a story to get into, but the long and the short of it is that my intentions were good, and no one got hurt. Just embarrassed.


4) Jeff came over for the first half of the football game last night, some beer and some pizza. Definitely a good time, especially as I'd just learned about points 1-3 above, and needed a good night.


5) Unbelievable geek news, here: Ricky Gervais did NOT retire David Brent, after all. I haven't watched these two videos, yet... but if you're a fan of the UK office, they are obviously required viewing.


6) The new trailer for Casino Royale? Especially towards the end? It more than does the job. I might actually want to see the movie, now.


7) "It's getting better all the time." You know how that lyric wraps up, yes?

Thursday, September 07, 2006

The Morning After

I had a blast last night at Clarendon Grill.

I think Jeff did, too. Then he didn't. Then he realized he did. And then he lost sight of the fun he'd had. Then he got it back. Then...

Anyway. We'll both get the lab results back in a couple of days, to know how we did.

This one's optimistic, this one went to market.

***

No wonder Tomkat was/were afraid to let Suri out of the bag.



Kidding, of course. The real picture is below... but... is that a baby toupee?



***

Horrible, horrible audio... but it's still worlds better than what it must have sounded like at the venue itself: apparently Timberlake('s band) has taken to covering "Smells Like Teen Spirit."

Simply awful.

***

Radiohead fans-- see this? Love that look he gives the audience at the very beginning of the clip.

***

Less impressive (or not) is this.

If you have ever thought yourself lame; that you're wasting your life; this will make you feel much, much better.

***

Blogger Beta doesn't let you embed YouTube videos anymore... you may have noticed things are a bit more barren (barrener) around here as of late.

Sorry.

But this link is worth clicking in. One of my favorite Mr. Show clips, ever.

***

Last night, by the way, the first woman I spoke with told me of the hierarchy of chicken shit (swear to God).

The last talked to me about her life in Paris, culture, the arts...

Point being, things got better over time. I'm feeling that, right now.

Monday, September 04, 2006

Final Odds and Ends

* I plan to get back on the horse(s) this week. I'll explain later.

* Earlier this evening, I gave Jed a draft of my review of The Crane Wife. I'm trying something different, and it's going to take some effort to get it to work, but... it's an idea. As usual, it took a fascinatingly short amount of time to draft. It will take longer to hone, especially this time out.

* I dropped off a lot of crap to Goodwill today-- felt good to do so. It felt doubly good to do so, as some of it reminded me of an earlier time.

* Someone stopped by my apartment today and fixed my door. It no longer requires a significant amount of effort to open and close the thing. Wish I could say the same thing about my computer.

* After watching Match Point this weekend, my first thought was that I should giftwrap the movie and give it someone I know. Then... I thought better of it.

* Tomorrow starts the suit season. No more 1997-era khakis for me; it's two- and three-buttons for the next several months. It's enough to make me long for cold(er) days and offices.

* Welcome back, Jeff. You made the right decision.

Crikey

Rest in peace, Steve.

***

Yeah.

Um... apart from waking up to that sad news, I'm in a better mood today. I had a nice visit with Andy and Laura (and Peyton and Mackenzie and Lady and Jake and Frankie and Mama and the rabbit and the kittens) yesterday, and on the ride home, just did some random stuff to try to shake myself of the funk I'd found myself in.

So I stopped off at the Frank Lloyd Wright house. To which you say, "huh???"

I always see the sign for the thing, anytime I'm down by Mount Vernon, so I finally pulled in to see the place and, yes, check it off my list.

The Pope-Leighey House, for which admission is required, is a strangely unimpressive home that Wright designed as an example "of houses designed for people of modest means." I thought it would be this big hoo-hah, with waterfalls and glass and angles and stunning this-that-and-the-other.

Nah.

I chose not to go in. I wasn't going to pay to listen to a lecture about what looked to be little more than a log cabin.

Oh, well. At least I went.

***

From there, I went to Old Town for this first time in months. And rather than hitting the usual haunts, I instead drifted from gallery to gallery, boutique to boutique... places I'd never bothered to wander into before.

And I loved every second of it. It was so "not my thing" to do-- flower shops? antique stores? really???-- that it was great.

And being outside, walking about for a few hours... my mood improved dramatically.

I went into one of my favorite Old Town shops towards the end, bought some incense for the first time in my life (so not a big deal, I know), and found myself much calmer by the time I got home.

Good times.

***

Watched Inside Man last night. Not as bad as Jeff had suggested it might be, not as solid as it should have been.

Still, it was much better than watching Andre cry again.

Wuss.

***

Ryan Howard: kinda good.

***

A final Phillies note: when you see this sub-heading in an article... it simply can't be a good thing.

Mmmmmm... sausages.

Sunday, September 03, 2006

Given the Mood I'm In...

Perhaps it's best that I just post pictures of my nephew.

Somebody loves the Buckeyes!



Saturday, September 02, 2006

Labor Day Weekend

I hope you're away. Or relaxing. Or asleep.

Scratch that. You've got some free time, and you're going to waste it, sleeping?

***

My biggest chore this weekend is to slog through this horrendous weather. I'm praying that things lighten up a bit, because the general feeling (seemingly shared by everyone I'm running into as of late) is that of... overcast skies. Of grey. Of neverending rain and inverted umbrellas.

How's about some sunshine? Please? Just for a few hours?

***

My Internet connection continues to be tempermental at best, but hey. Whatcha gonna do.

My boss and my dad mentioned looking into Verizon's FiOS, as an alternative to Comcast. Unfortunately, it's not yet available in my neck of the woods, despite Arlington, VA being one of the most populated areas of the entire f'g country.

Technology.

*grumble*

***

Panic! at the Disco's song "I Write Sins, Not Tragedies," apparently won the Video of the Year award this past week at the VMAs. It was (I think) the first time that I hadn't even heard the song, let alone seen the video, since, well, whenever.

So I just found the video online, and watched it. About five seconds ago-- couldn't have been much more than that.

And... I've already forgotten it.

Maybe it sounds different, impressive and/or awesome to teens?

***

Dreading is too strong a word, but my work attire shifts from business casual to suit and tie this coming week.

Mercifully, I've got a few suits, but I might need to replenish the shirt supply. And ties. And shoes. And suits.

Really, I don't need to do anything... but I haven't spent any money in, like, hours. And I'm getting itchy.

***

Tell me that you saw this.

I never watch The Today Show anymore, but somehow I stumbled upon it... and the level of ignorance and stupidity was staggering, even for Bush's standards.

***

I'll post more later, when my mood has improved. And it will, trust me.

***

the lemonheads - no backbone
inxs - don't change
electronic - getting away with it (HELL YES)
mudhoney - touch me i'm sick
i'm from barcelona - we're from barcelona

Friday, September 01, 2006

"Meta Commentary"

... is what Jed called it.

I just call these mentions of Harmonium and Moebius Trip on the official Vorstand Circus website cool.

***

But not as cool as this. For me, anyway.

The Whigs are so best. Easily one of my tops, all-time.

***

I am... still not sober. Work's gonna be a bitch.

Thanks, Jeff. Thanks, Neufeld.