Thursday, September 14, 2006

The NFL Network

If you have not already invested in this channel... if there's a stock available... you might want to get in on it now, while it's merely exploding.

A few thoughts on where the network stands at the beginning of its coming-out season:

1) Steve Mariucci has trouble with words and letters and words and things... but he's still light years ahead of Ditka. Ditka needs to be put out to pasture. Enough, already. It's been 21 years since you've been relevant.

No, the wedding dress does not count.

2) That NFL Replay thing is a great concept.

3) For leaving Sportscenter (to say nothing of leaving glass-eyed Shtu), Rich Eisen is smarter than you are.

4) Deion Sanders, however... is not smarter than you are.

5) That NFL Replay song is in your head now, isn't it?

6) Clinton Portis is definitely going for an Andre 3000 vibe in the commercial.

7) Jeremy Shockey is still one of the few people walking the face of the earth for whom I'd sell a body part... just for the right to punch him in his fucking pig face.

8) Warren Sapp could not appear on this network anymore if he tried.

9) "On Tuesday (Tuesday!)..."

10) I remember listening to Jamie Dukes on Atlanta radio a few years ago. He made no impression on me then, but he made one me last week: that of an oversized dude wearing a horrendous jacket.

11) This channel, as Andy and others have noted, is pretty much crack. If you are a guy, and you like sports-- sports, meaning football-- you already have a serious, serious habit.

12) I'm thinking that NFL Total Access is in Sportscenter circa-1982 mode. In a few years (if you don't already), you'll wonder how you lived without it... even in the middle of April.

13) I'm troubled by the fact that Chad Johnson, who appears on the network more than anyone but Sapp, apparently filmed all of his commercials before he went all Wesley Snipes in Demolition Man.

14) Bryant Gumbel and Cris Collingsworth being in the same room at the same time? That may have been the most awkward filming in years.

Cris: "So, um, Bryant... I hear you're a dick."

Bryant: (simmering)

Cris: "I mean, COME ON!"

Bryant: (glowering)



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